Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.

Archive for August, 2009

New York Bound

August 26, 2009 By: Category: Events, Site Notices

This is just a message to let you all know that I’m completely sabotaging the awesome traffic we’ve built up on the site by disappearing for a week in the New York City jungle. If you really miss me, you’ll find a way to ge to the Awkward Release Party next Tuesday. I’ll hit you when I get back, friends and strangers!

And, let’s face it, probably a few times while I’m there. It is hard to stay out of the spotlight for long, even when the spotlight is just a blog with 10-12 readers, most of whom don’t even speak English.


Read a Book – The Song

August 25, 2009 By: Category: Music, Videos

Here’s a sneak preview of the new song I’ll be premiering at the Awkward One release party … only for my Awkward headz!

This song + Honor Rovai + Clay McLeod Chapman + Kyle Jarrow + free Super Mirage sampler + cookies = THE BEST PARTY YOU WILL EVER ATTEND!

New Muesday 8/25/2009

August 25, 2009 By: Category: Greatest Hits, New Muesday


In only the second week of New Muesday, I already have to change my mission. I only got 3 new records this week, and only one of them is actually new(ish). As you’ll recall, I initially claimed that I would be reviewing the 5 latest albums in my iTunes. I didn’t realize when I made that claim that 5 albums a week is a lot of new albums to get. In the interest of not going broke, the new mission is to write about whatever I’ve picked up since last week, with maybe some others thrown in when I have nothing new to offer. Let me just run this by the blogging rules committee, and I’ll let you kno … yes! The blogging rules committee said yes. (Full disclosure: I am the president of the blogging rules committee.)

For this week, I have lots of paying work to do, so I think I’m going to keep this short and sweet with the 3 records I’ve picked up since last time. Are we ready? Here we go!

1) School of Seven Bells: Alpinisms
Date added: 8/21/2009

schoolHmm. I have listened to this record 3 times now, and it still hasn’t settled in. I guess I would say it’s a little like Postal Service crossed with Dirty Projectors. Which sounds like it might be good, because Postal Service could use some of Dirty Projectors artiness, and Dirty Projectors could use some of Postal Service’s simple poppiness, right? Probably, although for whatever reason, it doesn’t quite mesh in the way a fan of both of those groups would like it to.



August 24, 2009 By: Category: Friends

From Matt:

Just witnessed a broadside hit and run. Dude in a huge pickup blasted through a stop sign and smashed into the driver’s side of a Porsche, then took off screeching down the side street. Dude in the Porsche was fine; wild that the airbag stopped it all.

There were maybe six of us who witnessed it. But the craziest part? The front license plate from the truck fell off on impact so it was right there in the street.

Light Posting Encore

August 24, 2009 By: Category: Uncategorized

More light posting today, kiddos … work and what not. Did I mention we have a book for sale?

Jon Stewart’s Finest Moment

August 21, 2009 By: Category: Politics

I’ve been trying to contain political stuff to my personal blog, on account of how Awkward Press is happy to take your money no matter what your political affiliation. But this is the single best discussion I have seen on health care reform and I encourage everyone to take 25 minutes to watch it today. I have no idea why it is up to a comedy show to present an intelligent debate on this topic. But, America! America crazy.

(Video after the break.)


Business Cards Have Arrived!

August 21, 2009 By: Category: Publishing

They’re in, and they’re the coolest. Thanks again to Holly and Andy at Rumors for their amazing design work (and for their kick-ass design on the book, which I notice you haven’t bought yet today) and the fine gentlemen at ColorCoded for the beautiful print job.

FRONT (note - black bar is not part of the design. I am redacting my phone number because there are people who would pay BIG MONEY for that information.)

FRONT (note - black bar is not part of the design. I am redacting my phone number because there are people who would pay BIG MONEY for that information.)



Smart Science Thursday

August 20, 2009 By: Category: Politics

Can we get some more science in here, please? Thanks.

Can we get some more science in here, please? Thanks.

Polls are the best. I love how smart and scientific they are, all the time. To wit:

More than three out of every four Americans feel it is important to have a “choice” between a government-run health care insurance option and private coverage, according to a public opinion poll released on Thursday.

A new study by SurveyUSA puts support for a public option at a robust 77 percent, one percentage point higher than where it stood in June.

But the numbers tell another story, as well.

Earlier in the week, after pollsters for NBC dropped the word “choice” from their question on a public option, they found that only 43 percent of the public were in favor of “creating a public health care plan administered by the federal government that would compete directly with private health insurance companies.”

That’s great. So the information we have about people’s support of a public option can change by 30 points depending on how many words are in the question. Science!

To be fair, that second choice sounds awfully complicated. I probably wouldn’t have voted for it, either, and I think the entire health insurance industry should be abolished.

Welcome, Honor!

August 20, 2009 By: Category: Site Notices

When people visit, they routinely ask one of two questions. The first is: “are there any zardoz boobs on this site?” The answer is no. The second is: “where the Hell is Honor? The guys on this site look stinky. We want Honor!”

Well, folks, I’m pleased to finally be able to appease the askers of the second question. Honor, as you may know, is in high-demand as the editor and writer of GotoTennis, the only tennis site worth reading on the WWW machine. After many months, however, I was finally able to convince her that we were a legitimate enterprise and that we weren’t going to steal her identity, even though I am technically writing this post under her name. (Hi! It’s Jeffrey. There’s some weird site snafu in which a person’s profile picture won’t show up until they write a post, forhence the reason I am writing this as Honor. I promise, Honor, this is the last time I will ever steal your identity. In America. Overseas is a different story.)

Honor is a great friend and an amazing writer who contributed a great, nail-biter of a story to Awkward One, which you should buy right now. Welcome, Honor! Pardon the odor!

The Best Search Terms Ever

August 20, 2009 By: Category: Uncategorized

Watching the detectives.

Watching the detectives.

As part of the nonstop barrage of information I get about the Awkward website, I am able to check the Google search terms that people used to get to the site. The lengths that people will go to to find that perfect answer to their Google search request is both beautiful and sad. In no particular order, here are the best search terms that people used to find over the last month:

Search Term: giant boners. Analysis: Now, it is true that I was engaged in a little mock battle with Awkward Boners awhile back (a battle in which we were miserably defeated … we’ve moved to page 5 of the awkward Google search since the last posting. Sad smilies all around.) The deal is, I wanted Awkward Press to dominate the “awkward” google search. If you type “awkward” into Google right now, the third highest result is In my quest to blow out of the water (pause), I ended up incessantly dropping the phrase “awkward boners” for a few weeks. So I can understand why someone might land on us through that term. (And 10 people did .. take that,!) But how in the hell did 4 people find us through the search term “giant boners”? I had no clue, until I did a search myself and discovered that AWKWARD PRESS IS NUMBER TWO ON THE GOOGLE GIANT BONERS SEARCH!!! Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

My theory is that it’s because I entitled a post “Giant Boners” and then filled it with the word “Boners” in giant type. I won’t even link to it, because god forbid we move up to number one in the “giant boners” search. As a fun experiment in search engine optimization, I’m going to try it again with the word Awkward and see if that has any effect on our Awkward standings. Here we go:

Awkward Awkward Awkward Awkward

Awkward Awkward Awkward Awkward

Cross your fingers, kids!