Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.

Archive for July, 2010

The Faith Project: Tone Loc – Loc-ed After Dark

July 29, 2010 By: Category: Greatest Hits, Music, The Faith Project

Inspired by their mutual love of the INXS record Kick, Matt and Jeff have decided to take another listen to their favorite classic and forgotten records from the 80s. This is the Faith Project, and it is 100% guaranteed to contain absolutely no analysis of George Michael’s Faith.


Let’s do it.

You know those words. You remember those words. You don’t even have to hear the beat—one of the most immediately recognizable beats of all time—to know what comes next. Not one of you leaning on the carpeted benches at the roller rink didn’t scramble out there when “Wild Thing” came on, I guarantee it.

Yes! Hip hop is back to par-tay! We got pretty worried during those couple of years between Licensed to Ill and Straight Outta Compton. Don’t get me wrong, we ate up N.W.A., too—god did we laugh at all the swearing!—but when Tone-Loc hit the scene it was suddenly like, okay maybe I can play this guy for my mom. Yeah, it’s probably too raunchy for her but it’s on the radio and check it out, he’s a rappin’ Robert Palmer in his video! And Spuds McKenzie!

Tone-Loc brought hip hop to all the white kids who hadn’t yet discovered hip hop through Run-D.M.C. Sure, the Beastie Boys stormed suburbia with “Fight for Your Right” three years earlier, but that song was really more garage rock and besides, they were a bunch of Jewish kids from New York. Tone-Loc was a black guy from LA—home to Ice Cube, Eazy-E, Ice-T, Dr. Dre, the hardcore tough dudes—and all Loc wanted to do was drink potions that made him sexy to girls. He didn’t want to shoot nobody! (more…)

The Awkward Movie Challenge: The Big Lebowski

July 28, 2010 By: Category: Greatest Hits, The Awkward Movie Challenge


According to Netflix, Mike and Jeffrey agree with each other on movies 84% of the time. In their ongoing feature, The Awkward Movie Challenge, they search valiantly for that sweet 16% that results in big arguments and big laughs.


Most of the time, I couldn’t care less about sitting outside of pop culture obsessions. I have no more desire to understand the appeal of Twilight or Lady Gaga or “American Idol” or sports than I care to understand the appeal of sticking a chopstick in ones peehole. But there are a few beloved pop items that really irk me because I don’t get them. One is Some Like It Hot, which has so much going for it—Billy Wilder and Jack Lemon and Marilyn Monroe and a reputation as the greatest comedy ever made—but never fails to bore me. Another is The Big Lebowski.

The Big Lebowski (1998) stars Jeff Bridges as Jeff Lebowski, aka: The Dude, a middle-aged hippie stoner who wants nothing more than to bowl with his crazy Vietnam Vet buddy Walter (John Goodman) but gets caught up in a scheme to deliver ransom money to the kidnappers of the wife (Tara Reid) of a millionaire (David Huddleston), also named Jeffrey Lebowski. Being that this is a movie by Joel and Ethan Coen, greed inevitably fouls the plan when Walter decides that he and The Dude should keep the ransom money for themselves. (more…)

Eff You, Double Rainbow

July 27, 2010 By: Category: Videos

This is beautiful. Double Rainbow, you just got SCHOOLED. These dudes make you look like a liquid fart.

(Via Videogum!)

My Feelings on Comic-Con Are Quite Interesting

July 23, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, Greatest Hits

"Those sure are some smart-looking clothings, fellows. We are certain to be comfortable for the next 4 hours as we wait in line to see an extended cut of the trailer for Jonah Hex 2."

I sure don’t get the excitement about this whole Comic-Con thing. It sounds like Sundance, only instead of seeing movies, you watch trailers. And then you get to see celebrities talk about the trailers, but in that promotional way, like how they might talk about the film in a DVD extra you’d never watch.

I mean, I like comics as much as the next guy. I’m not rushing out every Wednesday to get the new Justice League, but I like seeing what Garfield’s up to in the morning. But are there even any comics at this thing? All I ever hear about is Jon Favreau. If I was the dude who was there to check out some new comics, I’d be pretty annoyed that I had to shove my way through a bunch of Jon Favreaus to get to them. At an event that is ostensibly all about those comics.

Final analysis: Comic-Con, which I have never been to, is a terrible thing that no one should ever experience. That is all.

Dance Magic Dance

July 22, 2010 By: Category: Friends

We see you by Kube

Our friends over at R & R Gallery recently put together a show of art inspired by the movie Labyrinth. Full disclosure: I was not a Labyrinth fanatic as a child. That movie and The Goonies sort of washed over me. I liked them both when I saw them, but they were not movies that we owned and watched on repeat, and therefore, I am not one of those many people my age for whom these movies bring up wonderful memories of staring at a television. (The movies we owned and watched on repeat, FYI, were My Bodyguard, Fame, Flashdance, Purple Rain, Airplane!, and Caddyshack. Please note that none of these, with the exception of My Bodyguard and maybe Airplane!, are really kids’ movies. I don’t know what lesson can be gleaned from this information, but I do know it’s very interesting and you are glad I told you.)

Regardless of my connection with the movie Labyrinth, R & R’s show looked 100% dope and fresh. You can check out the goods here. And buy a piece of your very own here. Artastical!

The Faith Project: INXS – Kick

July 20, 2010 By: Category: Greatest Hits, The Faith Project

Inspired by their mutual love of the INXS record Kick, Matt and Jeff have decided to take another listen to their favorite classic and forgotten records from the 80s. This is the Faith Project, and it is 100% guaranteed to contain absolutely no analysis of George Michael’s Faith.


About a month ago, I learned that Beck’s record club was doing a song-by-song cover album of INXS’s nearly forgotten classic Kick. I immediately sent the link to Matt, knowing him to be a Kick fan from way back. The covers got us motivated to dust off the original, and we spent the next 2 weeks on a serious Kick bender. When talk came around about the next old favorite we should put into rotation, I brought up George Michael’s Faith. Matt came up with the idea of calling our newly-formed record club The Faith Project. Then he suggested that it would be better if we called it the Faith Project and never actually listened to Faith. Thus, the Faith Project was born. This week, we take a listen to the record that got the whole thing started, Kick.

I don’t have memories of listening to Kick the way I do some of my other early favorites, like R.E.M.’s Document or U2′s The Joshua Tree. The main thing I remember about INXS is that my friend Jon Harmon’s sister Libby was super into them, and I thought she was cool because she was older than us and dressed like Molly Ringwald’s wacky friend in Pretty in Pink and knew what KROQ was even though we lived in Michigan. I know I listened to this record over and over again, I just can’t recall how old I was, or where, or with who. I have repressed all memories of listening to this record. I have also repressed all pictures of me trying to grow my hair out to look more like Michael Hutchence, because yowch.

Any discussion of INXS has to begin by acknowledging that Michael Hutchence died by choking while wanking himself off. In my opinion, the less said about that, the better. Autoerotic asphyxiation is one of those things that should theoretically be funny, but really is just a reminder that even the coolest guys in the world are nothing more than dick-spanking apes desperately groping for a few seconds of happiness in an otherwise miserable existence. I’m sure there isn’t a man among us who doesn’t have at least one adventure in his long history of self-cultivation that maybe wasn’t such a great idea in retrospect. Michael Hutchence didn’t just look like a rock n’ roll Jesus: he died for our sins. (more…)

Awkward Two Cover Unveiled, World Weeps with Anticipation

July 15, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, Publishing

Do you want to know what the new issue of Awkward looks like? It looks like this!

Awkward Two: Front

Awkward Two: Back

Thanks millions to illustrator Aaron Newman a/k/a Baarbarian for the kick-ass cover illustration and designers Holly & Andy at Rumors for the amazing layout! Pre-orders will be accepted soon … get your credit card ready!

Awkward One … Now Available on Amazon

July 06, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, Publishing

I got tired of using the same damn cover photo every time I blogged about Awkward One. So here's a random page from inside the book.

This is a big day for us. We’re starting to gear up for the release of Awkward Two, which will be available on Amazon right out of the gate. But first, I had to test the system to make sure Amazon would accept our merch. And what do you know? They did!

From this moment forth, Awkward One will be available at Amazon for $9. Here’s the thing about selling merch through Amazon: they only take a limited number of copies before they have proof that they could make a profit. 1, to be exact. I just sent them one copy, and I’d love for it to be out of their hands before they even receive it. So if you haven’t bought your copy yet and need one more item to get the super saver shipping, toss this bad boy onto your order. If we sell the only copy immediately, they will know that Awkward Press is a force to be reckoned with and hopefully order up a buttload of the next edition. The future of indie-publishing rests in your hands! Order your copy right now!

Optionally, if you’ve already read Awkward One and loved it, please click on over to Amazon and give us a review. The more the merrier!

Next stop, the Kindle! Awkward Press is taking the Internet by storm!