Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.

Archive for July, 2011

Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig Are Not Very Good at Their Jobs

July 28, 2011 By: Category: Greatest Hits, Movies, Opinions

I do not have any interest in being famous. I’d like to be respected. That would be nice. I’d like to make works that people enjoy. I’d like to be wealthy enough to not have to think about how that box of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream bars is going to affect my grocery budget. All of those things would be great. But famous? For the birds, in my opinion. The worst part would be having people bother you all the time. Leave me alone, dammit! I’m just trying to get my legs waxed in peace like a normal fellow!

That’s why I would not want to be an actor. Because the only way to succeed as an actor is to be famous. I mean, I guess you can be that guy who’s in those things that no one has ever heard of. But I would doubt there are a ton of actors striving to be that guy. If you’re an actor, the winning trajectory is to make the most of a small role so you can get better roles in bigger movies where you will be seen by more people and make more money.

Not that it’s all about making more money – I would imagine most actors sincerely enjoy pretending to be other people. But what I’m saying is it isn’t a job that can exist in a vacuum. Sure, you can pretend to be other people all by yourself in your bedroom, but I’m not sure how to turn that into a viable career path. A successful actor doesn’t just love pretending to be other people, he loves pretending to be other people in front of other people.

Unfortunately, along with all that pretending to be other people and making lots of money comes a few job requirements. One of those requirements is publicizing the movies you just got paid a shit ton of money to be in. Sometimes this promotional period can last for weeks. You might have to do one interview after another for a whole day. A whole day! Can you imagine? Like, 20 interviews in a single day, talking about the same thing. You might have to say the same thing 20 times! You will be fed and coddled and you will sit in a comfortable chair and you will almost certainly be treated in a very deferential manner by everyone who talks to you. But you might have to say one thing 20 times in a row! (more…)


July 28, 2011 By: Category: News

From the Huffington Post:

That is exactly what I would expect the most anticipated new movie at the Venice film festival to look like.

Battleship: the Movie: the Trailer

July 27, 2011 By: Category: Videos

When I heard they were making a Battleship movie it did not seem as absurd to me as it seemed to everyone else. I assumed it would just be Top Gun with boats. Fine, make a movie out of anything. Make a Cap’n Crunch movie for all I care. I think Pirates of the Caribbean definitively proved that you can take any old name in the public consciousness and make a shitload of money off of it, so long as there are moving things and explosions.

But then I saw the trailer for Battleship.

Um … pardon? What is this? Tim Riggins? Sea Transformers? Booo. If this movie had a face, I would punch it.

Hello, Is It Me You’re Looking For?

July 22, 2011 By: Category: Videos

Really? It’s been over a month? Woof. Sorry, Awkward Pressions, life has gotten in the way. Here’s some Lionel Richie to make things i-ree. We’ll be back soon!