Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.
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Archive for August, 2012

Mitt Romney: Really Great at Using His Checkbook

August 28, 2012 By: Category: News, Opinions, Politics

I AM SMARM.

Over the weekend, The LA Times published a piece that was intended to showcase the side of Mitt Romney that doesn’t come across in his robotic delivery, his stiff appearance, and his poorly defined stance on issues of political concern. We’re in trouble from the subtitle:

Friends see a warm, charitable man with a sense of duty rooted in his Mormon faith.

So right off the bat, we know this article is going to offer us no information of value. “Mitt Romney’s friends like him.” I don’t think there’s been a lot of debate in the public forum about whether or not Mitt Romney is cool with his pals. I would like to see the presidential candidate whose friends told the press, “That guy’s a total prick.”

The opening story is a doozy. (more…)

The Return of the Movie Challenge

August 28, 2012 By: Category: Site Notices

Exciting news! The Awkward Movie Challenge has returned! Only it is occurring over at our dear friend Mike Segretto’s site, Psychobabble. Today we will be discussing the film Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. If you enjoy watching two grown men slobbing all over their favorite director’s knob, this challenge is for you!

Check it out here.

How to Clip Your Fingernails

August 22, 2012 By: Category: How-to

(Note: In the ongoing attempt to find ways of monetizing Awkward Press, we’ve decided to change business models from fiction publishing to content farming. From here on out, this site will focus on informative articles that will result in high rankings on search engines and lead to increased ad revenue.

Many thanks to our first sponsor, Dick Pasta. If you’re interested in advertising on awkwardpress.com, please contact us with your name, number, and a list of topics you would like us to write about in relation to your product. If you would like us to review your product, please include any “no-nos” and/or specific language you would like us to work into our unbiased analysis.

Tools needed:
- fingernail clippers
- nail catching device (garbage can, ashtray, empty pudding cup)

Steps:
1) Get alive. Upon birth, most humans are automatically preconfigured with a hard, keratin-based protective shell that covers the ends of their 7-10 fingers (known as fingernails) and 8-19 toes (toenails). (Please note: this primer will not focus on the toenails, as our sponsor Dick Pasta found the subject of toenails icky and not in-keeping with the fun, party-friendly nature of their erotic line of pasta products.) (more…)