Archive for October, 2012
I have some bad news to report, friends. We used the wrong kind of dirt in the Awkward Press content farm and all our writers died. I think it was the soil. It also could have been the thin, airless plastic box we made them work inside and the fact that our in-house cafeteria only served pencil shavings.
So on to the next plan for bringing this crumbling blight of a web presence back into the public eye. In looking at our stats, it has become clear to me that people love two things: lists and horror. The perennial top two articles are our friend Clay McLeod Chapman’s “Top Ten Horror Movies That You Probably Didn’t See,” years 2011 and 2009. I will not be competing with Clay’s wonderful articles, because I don’t know the horror genre well enough to say anything that would add to the national discussion. Luckily there is plenty of horror to be found out there in the real world that can be fashioned into an arbitrary list, so without further ado, I present to you: The Top Ten Real Life Horrors.
Houseflies are the filthiest, most disgusting thing in the universe, and they are ALL AROUND US. They lay their eggs in shit. Their eggs hatch into squirmly maggots that get their kicks snacking on human flesh. They hang out on garbage and filth and then get their filthy garbagey feet all over your food. They vomit acidic saliva on their (your) food before they eat it and they spread tuberculosis and they look a fright. They taste with their feet, for Christ’s sake. That’s all the proof you need that God hates them. (more…)