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A Quick Lesson in Non-Assholery, Molly Sims

August 16, 2010 By: Category: Opinions

Who is Molly Sims? This is, I guess.

Let me start out by saying this story involves two people named Molly Sims and Heidi Montag. I don’t know who Molly Sims is. I know exactly who Heidi Montag is, but I would not think less of you if you had never heard of her. I may think more of you, in fact. If you’re one of those people who spends his/her time reading books and stuff, Heidi Montag is a person who was a jerk on a reality show and then had a bunch of plastic surgery. There was almost certainly a failed stab at music somewhere in there, although I can’t say that with 100% certainty, although of course I can say that with 100% certainty.

Let me be perfectly clear: if Heidi Montag & Molly Sims hang glided into a mountain it would not affect my life in the slightest. I don’t care about either of them, except for in that vague way where you’re supposed to think people should live or whatever. But what I do care about is when people pretend they are not assholes by being even bigger assholes. That is the crime I have come here today to rectify. According to The Huffington Post, Molly Sims had some “harsh words” for Heidi Montag in an interview with Health Magazine:

But Sims dished out some real talk for Montag, who once had ten plastic surgery procedures performed in one day. Sims remarked, “I think Heidi Montag is a really sick girl, something is off. You don’t get F-size boobs. And I’m not judging her. I feel sorry for her.”

First of all, Health magazine? Is that one of those tiny magazines in the grocery store checkout line? That doesn’t count as a real interview! Second of all, dear editors of Health: I know models look really skinny, but skinny is not the same as healthy. Third of all, dear Molly Sims: phrases like “something is off” and “a really sick girl” count as judgments. Also, Molly Sims, there is possibly nothing more disingenuous then the combined sentences, “I am not judging you. I feel sorry for you.” I am not judging you at all. I feel sorry for you that you do not know you sound like an asshole.

1 Comments to “A Quick Lesson in Non-Assholery, Molly Sims”


  1. i laughed, i cried, i realized i’ve been wrong in calling it “hand gliding” all along :(

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