According to Netflix, Mike and Jeffrey agree with each other on movies 84% of the time. In their ongoing feature, The Awkward Movie Challenge, they search valiantly for that sweet 16% that results in big arguments and big laughs.

Mike:

Most of the time, I couldn’t care less about sitting outside of pop culture obsessions. I have no more desire to understand the appeal of Twilight or Lady Gaga or “American Idol” or sports than I care to understand the appeal of sticking a chopstick in ones peehole. But there are a few beloved pop items that really irk me because I don’t get them. One is Some Like It Hot, which has so much going for it—Billy Wilder and Jack Lemon and Marilyn Monroe and a reputation as the greatest comedy ever made—but never fails to bore me. Another is The Big Lebowski.

The Big Lebowski (1998) stars Jeff Bridges as Jeff Lebowski, aka: The Dude, a middle-aged hippie stoner who wants nothing more than to bowl with his crazy Vietnam Vet buddy Walter (John Goodman) but gets caught up in a scheme to deliver ransom money to the kidnappers of the wife (Tara Reid) of a millionaire (David Huddleston), also named Jeffrey Lebowski. Being that this is a movie by Joel and Ethan Coen, greed inevitably fouls the plan when Walter decides that he and The Dude should keep the ransom money for themselves.

When I first saw The Big Lebowski I was shocked that the Coen Brothers chose to follow up a film as masterful and hilarious as Fargo with one that struck me as flimsy and directionless. I was even more shocked to discover that The Big Lebowski had attracted a cult following with greater potency than any other Coen Brothers movie. Fans throw an annual “Lebowski Fest” in which they dress up as their favorite characters, bowl, drink, and presumably, watch the movie. There are Big Lebowski drinking games and a line of Big Lebowski toys.

The merchandise abides.

Tara Reid: Not even funny as a punchline.

John Goodman sez: "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

But, of course, I’m in the minority here. Somewhere a Lebowski Head is reading this review and plotting my bloody, bloody, bloody murder. Fortunately, that person will most likely opt to get stoned and watch The Big Lebowski for the 300th time instead.

Mike gives The Big Lebowski… Twenty-Two Turturro Tongues!

Let the hate mail commence...

Next page: ...but first, some contrary words of praise from Dude Jeffrey Dinsmore...

(Via Videogum!)

"Those sure are some smart-looking clothings, fellows. We are certain to be comfortable for the next 4 hours as we wait in line to see an extended cut of the trailer for Jonah Hex 2."

I mean, I like comics as much as the next guy. I'm not rushing out every Wednesday to get the new Justice League, but I like seeing what Garfield's up to in the morning. But are there even any comics at this thing? All I ever hear about is Jon Favreau. If I was the dude who was there to check out some new comics, I'd be pretty annoyed that I had to shove my way through a bunch of Jon Favreaus to get to them. At an event that is ostensibly all about those comics.

Final analysis: Comic-Con, which I have never been to, is a terrible thing that no one should ever experience. That is all.

We see you by Kube

Our friends over at R & R Gallery recently put together a show of art inspired by the movie Labyrinth. Full disclosure: I was not a Labyrinth fanatic as a child. That movie and The Goonies sort of washed over me. I liked them both when I saw them, but they were not movies that we owned and watched on repeat, and therefore, I am not one of those many people my age for whom these movies bring up wonderful memories of staring at a television. (The movies we owned and watched on repeat, FYI, were My Bodyguard, Fame, Flashdance, Purple Rain, Airplane!, and Caddyshack. Please note that none of these, with the exception of My Bodyguard and maybe Airplane!, are really kids' movies. I don't know what lesson can be gleaned from this information, but I do know it's very interesting and you are glad I told you.)

Regardless of my connection with the movie Labyrinth, R & R's show looked 100% dope and fresh. You can check out the goods here. And buy a piece of your very own here. Artastical!

Inspired by their mutual love of the INXS record Kick, Matt and Jeff have decided to take another listen to their favorite classic and forgotten records from the 80s. This is the Faith Project, and it is 100% guaranteed to contain absolutely no analysis of George Michael's Faith.

Jeffrey:

About a month ago, I learned that Beck's record club was doing a song-by-song cover album of INXS's nearly forgotten classic Kick. I immediately sent the link to Matt, knowing him to be a Kick fan from way back. The covers got us motivated to dust off the original, and we spent the next 2 weeks on a serious Kick bender. When talk came around about the next old favorite we should put into rotation, I brought up George Michael's Faith. Matt came up with the idea of calling our newly-formed record club The Faith Project. Then he suggested that it would be better if we called it the Faith Project and never actually listened to Faith. Thus, the Faith Project was born. This week, we take a listen to the record that got the whole thing started, Kick.

I don't have memories of listening to Kick the way I do some of my other early favorites, like R.E.M.'s Document or U2's The Joshua Tree. The main thing I remember about INXS is that my friend Jon Harmon's sister Libby was super into them, and I thought she was cool because she was older than us and dressed like Molly Ringwald's wacky friend in Pretty in Pink and knew what KROQ was even though we lived in Michigan. I know I listened to this record over and over again, I just can't recall how old I was, or where, or with who. I have repressed all memories of listening to this record. I have also repressed all pictures of me trying to grow my hair out to look more like Michael Hutchence, because yowch.

Any discussion of INXS has to begin by acknowledging that Michael Hutchence died by choking while wanking himself off. In my opinion, the less said about that, the better. Autoerotic asphyxiation is one of those things that should theoretically be funny, but really is just a reminder that even the coolest guys in the world are nothing more than dick-spanking apes desperately groping for a few seconds of happiness in an otherwise miserable existence. I'm sure there isn't a man among us who doesn't have at least one adventure in his long history of self-cultivation that maybe wasn't such a great idea in retrospect. Michael Hutchence didn't just look like a rock n' roll Jesus: he died for our sins.

Just a bunch of pallies.

But putting Michael Hutchence's unseemly death aside, how does the music hold up? Answer: incredibly well. INXS's Kick is the kind of record that rarely comes around nowadays ... the mass-audience smash that is also a great album. There is no chaff on Kick ... even the least essential song, "Mediate," feels like a necessary transition between the stellar pop brilliance of "Need You Tonight" and the slow boogie of "The Loved One." It's not often that I recognize the sequencing on a pop record, but the sequencing on Kick gives you just the right amount of each flavor of INXS at just the right time.

And oh! What flavors there are! (The award for the single gayest thing I've ever written goes to ... that sentence!) The songs on Kick showcase a remarkable range of sounds and styles, while remaining firmly rooted in an essential groove that is unmistakably INXS. (First runner-up!) The beats laid down by young Jon Farriss are some kind of funky ... the record is teeming with beats and rhythms that are just begging to be sampled by some enterprising young Marley Marl. The record produced 4 top 10 hits: "Need You Tonight" (#1), "Devil Inside" (#2), "New Sensation" (#3), and "Never Tear Us Apart" (#7), but nearly every song on the record could have easily been a single. Almost nothing on the record sounds dated, even though it's very much of a time and place. It's a perfect hybrid of new wave and classic rock that has weathered the test of time better than many of the other major records from the '80s. (In contrast to the videos, which really should have studied harder for the test of time.)

As far as individual tracks go, I've always been a sucker for "Need You Tonight," which is pure sex in song form. It's only in my recent bout of listening that I've finally realized what this song is ... it's a Prince song. I mean, it's not literally a song by Prince, but it is INXS's attempt to write a Prince song. The combination of the Prince funk with Hutchence's Aussie white-boy soul vocals is irresistible; again, why haven't a thousand hip-hop songs sampled this beat?

Of all the amazing songs on the album, though, it is the opening track, "Guns in the Sky," that's been fascinating me the most lately. "Guns in the Sky" starts the record off right with a massive hit on the kick drum. Hutchence comes in a second later, spitting out some weird sexual grunt riff that would've been followed by a "woooo!" in the throat of a lesser vocalist. Not Hutchence, he plays it cool. He knows the band is just getting started. Guitarist Tim Farriss (brother of Jon and keyboardist Andrew) lays down a tense rhythm line over the beat that explodes into an anarchic solo, then pulls it back just as quickly for the chant-along final chorus.

But the best part about "Guns in the Sky" is the batshit crazy lyrics penned by Hutchence.

Guns in the sky
Child grows up to see
Guns in the sky
Used to be on TV
Wanna change! Forgot the joke! Well, it's great to see you, but I'm running late!
Da da da! Love your hair! Da da da! Lend me a ten!
Da da da! I love your big house! Da da da! Won't you spare a dime?
Well I'm sick of it! It's a load of shit! We can stop the world and let off all the fools and let them go live with their guns in the sky!

I mean, what? What's happening in this verse? From what I gather, Hutchence is bitching about how some friend of his complimented him on his hair and then asked to borrow some money. And then Hutchence was all, "I'm so sick of this shit! I wish I could throw this dude off the earth so he can go into outer space and live with a space laser! The kind I used to see on TV when I was a kid!"

And yet, somehow he still manages to make it sound cool, in the same way that Lou Reed can make the words "she's sucking on my ding-dong" sound badass. The venom in Hutchence's voice when he says "It's a load of shit!" Whatever is happening in this verse has clearly happened to him more than once, and he's fucking tired of it. The obvious interpretation, of course, is that this is an anti-Strategic Defense Initiative song ... which is seconded by the video ... but nothing else in the verses really has anything to do with politics. The only thing I can figure is that Hutchence had the aforementioned weird interaction with his buddy, then came home pissed off and opened up the paper to an article about SDI and was like, "oh, bloody fucking Hell. First this arsehole's blowing smoke up my ass to get a loan, and now some buggers' going to put a bunch of lasers up in space? What is this world coming to? Might as well go have a choke wank."

All strokes aside, the thing I respect the most about Kick is that there is not a single lazy moment on this record. Kick is INXS's sixth studio record, and they're working harder to entertain than they ever had before. Who even sticks around long enough to make six records nowadays? Truly, an impressive achievement all around. I highly recommend giving it another spin if you're a fan. And if you've never heard it, pick it up: you're in for a treat.

Next page: Matt weighs in with his impressions on the record that made Kylie smiley!

Awkward Two: Front

Awkward Two: Back

Thanks millions to illustrator Aaron Newman a/k/a Baarbarian for the kick-ass cover illustration and designers Holly & Andy at Rumors for the amazing layout! Pre-orders will be accepted soon ... get your credit card ready!

I got tired of using the same damn cover photo every time I blogged about Awkward One. So here's a random page from inside the book.

From this moment forth, Awkward One will be available at Amazon for $9. Here's the thing about selling merch through Amazon: they only take a limited number of copies before they have proof that they could make a profit. 1, to be exact. I just sent them one copy, and I'd love for it to be out of their hands before they even receive it. So if you haven't bought your copy yet and need one more item to get the super saver shipping, toss this bad boy onto your order. If we sell the only copy immediately, they will know that Awkward Press is a force to be reckoned with and hopefully order up a buttload of the next edition. The future of indie-publishing rests in your hands! Order your copy right now!

Optionally, if you've already read Awkward One and loved it, please click on over to Amazon and give us a review. The more the merrier!

Next stop, the Kindle! Awkward Press is taking the Internet by storm!

According to Netflix, Mike and Jeffrey agree with each other on movies 84% of the time. In their weekly feature, The Awkward Movie Challenge, they search valiantly for that sweet 16% that results in big arguments and big laughs.

Jeffrey:

The summer before my junior year at the University of Michigan, I got a job at Record Town in the Briarwood Mall. As record stores go, it was not one. We didn’t sell records. CDs and cassettes only. And cassingles, of course. Hahaha. Cassingles!

I recognized that it was a terrible store for anyone who liked music, but nonetheless, I felt like I'd finally hit the big time. Who wouldn't want to work in a record store? I mean, working in a cool record store that was not in a mall would have been better, let’s face it. But it was still a bit of a dream come true. There weren't a lot of real record fans shopping at the mall, though. The Jock Jams compilations did not leave our top 20 bestseller wall in the entire two years I worked there, and that is not hyperbole.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad about your crappy college job. So you worked in the caf, no big deal. Someone had to refill the soft serve machines. But there is a tie-in between Showgirls and Record Town. A few months before the film came out, we received a promotional video at the store featuring 20 minutes of unrated footage from the movie. Like an extended preview kind of thing. I took it home with me because no one else in the store gave a shit about Showgirls. Because no one in America gave a shit about Showgirls. Contrary to what you may have heard in Bible class, the country did not spend 1995 in the grips of Showgirls fever.

From the moment my roommates and I popped the Showgirls tape in, it was clear that this movie was going to suck. The tape was basically the entire movie condensed into 20 minutes, with the exception of the (spoiler-alert) totally unnecessary brutal rape scene that totally unnecessarily occurs near the end of the full-length feature. It quickly moved into our regular late-night viewing rotation, alongside the underseen Crispin Glover/Howard Hesseman masterpiece Rubin and Ed and a 10 minute extended preview of Alice Cooper’s Monster Dog.

It was probably 10 years before I finally saw Showgirls all the way through. And it was every bit as bad as I had assumed it would be. Watching it for the second time last week did not alter my opinion. This was and remains a bad movie full of bad ideas executed poorly by bad people.

It’s hard to say anything new about Showgirls that hasn’t been said before. A quick recap: the terrible script was written by Joe Eszterhas, the guy who also wrote Basic Instinct and several other films that were exactly like Basic Instinct. He was paid $3 million to write Showgirls. He was paid $3 million to write Showgirls. I’m sorry, I don’t think you heard me properly: HE WAS PAID $3 MILLION TO WRITE SHOWGIRLS.

Joe Eszterhas: All Class, All the Time

It was directed by Paul Verhoeven, director of Robocop, Total Recall, and Starship Troopers. And also director of Basic Instinct. “Lightning in a bottle!” thought the studio executives. “Eszterhas and Verhoeven together again! Someone get our checkbook!” The single checkbook that all studio executives share.

Actually, I quite like Paul Verhoeven’s films. Robocop is much smarter than you remember, and I am firmly on the “love it” side of the love-it-or-hate-it debate on Starship Troopers. In those films, at least, he seems to know exactly what he’s doing, with his tongue planted firmly in cheek.

Which is what makes Showgirls such an enduring mystery: how could a filmmaker who’d displayed such a fine understanding of irony in the past unintentionally make such a camp masterpiece? Or is it supposed to be this ridiculous? Eszterhas’s intentions, at least, are clear: he thought he was writing the great American stripper story. That guy’s about as ironic as a crying widow on September 11th. But Verhoeven? What’s his excuse?

Everything in this film is done the wrong way, starting with Elizabeth Berkley’s wildly off-the-mark performance in the role of Nomi Malone. This is where the movie does my head in: her performance is so unbelievably over-the-top, I can’t believe she was not instructed to behave that way. If Elizabeth Berkley came up with this portrayal herself, then Elizabeth Berkley is bat-shit crazy. For example, this:

I mean, what? Why are you so mad at that straw? Berkley starts the film at this level and remains there for two hours straight. Why walk away from a situation at a proper speed when you can storm off, shoving everyone in your path out of the way? Why speak in a normal tone of voice when you can scream? Why dance smoothly when you can flail your arms about like you were drowning in air? Berkley's Nomi Malone is so unlikeable and irritating that I kept hoping she'd be disemboweled by one of the many cars that screech to a halt in front of her during her repeated blind sprints into traffic. There are two things Nomi Malone loves in this world: running into traffic without looking both ways and being naked. Lucky for her, she gets to do both of those things PLENTY throughout the course of the film.

Elizabeth Berkley is very naked in this film. She is naked in ways that no one has been naked before. And just when you think she's reached the limits of her nakedness, she gets nakeder. She is so naked she's practically inside-out. The nudity kind of offended me, actually. Not because I have anything against people being naked on film, but because it was such a waste of good nudity.

So is it intentionally goofy, or did something go horribly wrong? My opinion is based on a single line that comes at the end of the second act. After starting out dancing at a sleazy strip club called the Cheetah, Nomi has managed to “work her way up” to a role in a spectacularly unerotic erotic revue. One day, she receives a visit at work from the Cheetah’s swarthy owner and brash emcee. (The emcee is a sassy fat woman who is supposed to come across as a “tough old broad with a heart of gold” but is possibly the most loathsome actress I have ever seen captured on film.) The owner and the emcee share a wistful moment with Nomi and we get the distinct impression that these people are meant to be her parental figures, which, eww. As they turn to leave, the owner says of Nomi's new job, “Must be weird not having anybody come on you.” This is not played as a gross thing to say. It is played as a poignant moment between Nomi and the guy who's talking about people ejaculating on her. The expression on her face says, "it is weird not having anybody come on me." As the come-guy and the giant, bellowing sea cucumber of an emcee walk away, the strings swell on the soundtrack. Nomi watches them walk away with a wistful expression, thinking about how far she's come in such a short amount of time.

I hate you.

THAT IS NOT REAL. I refuse to believe that is real. That is someone playing a joke on the audience. No one would seriously write that line. And no one would direct it thinking it was a serious line, much less pin the entire emotional arc of a scene on it. It has to be a joke. And if it is meant to be a joke, then the entire film must come crumbling down like a house of cards.

There are so many more issues to address with Showgirls, from its ludicrous, constant-slumber-party view of female interrelationships to that awful, joy-murdering rape scene in the final act. Unfortunately, it would take much more room than I have here to discuss the myriad examples of Showgirls awfulness. There is not a minute of this film that is even accidentally good. But at the same time, it is a riveting two-hour adventure in high camp that must be seen to be believed. I’m going to take away 1 pizza for the rape scene (really, truly shocking and an absolute buzzkill), but give Showgirls a 5 pizza salute for being one of the all-time stinkiest turds in the toilet.

Next page: Mike greases up his stripper pole in preparation for the ride of his life.

The Awkward Press film project got underway this past Saturday with the shoot of The Vanishing Point, based on my story of the same name from the upcoming Awkward Two anthology. It's fitting that this story was the first to be shot, as it was really the catalyst for the entire project. A few months ago, my friend Eric Kissack told me he was looking for a project to direct while he was between editing gigs. "What a coincidence!" I said, "I happen to have written a story that I believe would make an excellent film!" Because that is how I roll.

Remarkably, Eric dug the story. I went home and busted out a screenplay in a few hours. This is not as impressive as it may seem - the screenplay was only 7 pages long. It is a very short story.

We sent the script back and forth for a few weeks until we finally came up with something we thought would work. I kept waiting for the moment when Eric said, "Hey, I've changed my mind, this is a terrible story," but that never happened. Before too long, he'd signed on two excellent producers (my wife, Sarah, and Eric's friend Lisa) and the ball was rolling.

At that point, I was pretty much out of the picture. Being a writer is the best thing a person can do on a movie, I decided, because you get all the thrill of watching people enact your vision without having to do any of the hard work of actually making that vision come to life. They say we're not very well-respected in Hollywood, but my new pool does not really care how respected I feel. That joke would be much funnier if I was getting paid.

I showed up on set (a backyard in Encino) Saturday morning bright and early at 6:15. In addition to writing the thing, I was also playing a gorilla who shows up at the end of the movie for no reason that I can really explain other than I wanted to wear a gorilla suit. Vision! Most people on the set had no idea I wrote the script and probably wouldn't have cared even if they had known. "Hey," they said when they met me, "you're the gorilla." I did not bother to tell them I was the writer, because I think I was getting more respect just as the gorilla. Although as one of the actors pointed out, my name was on the front page of the screenplay three times - written by, last revision by, and latest revision by. I swear, that was not intentional. I thought Eric deserved a co-writing credit because he was instrumental in creating the final script, but he declined. What a mensch.

Shortly after Sarah and I got there, the lead actress arrived. Her name is Jennifer Irwin, and she's done a lot of really impressive work. She played a conniving executive in Slings and Arrows, which is an amazing Canadian show about a theater company. If you have any interest in laughing or crying or not being stupid about great TV, you should Netflix it immediately. She also played the sister-in-law in Eastbound and Down, which is possibly the funniest television show of all time. She said a very friendly good morning, we introduced ourselves, and then she was led off to get hair and makeup done.

I continued standing around like an asshole until our friend Andrea, who was helping wrangle people up for the day, wrangled me. Eric was not on set yet, and Jennifer had some questions about the script. I got very nervous because I don't really know what the script is about, and I did not want to be that guy who was like, "it is whatever you imagine it to be." So I went back and answered her questions in a way that hopefully did not betray my complete ignorance of my own work.

The first thing we shot was a scene in which the parents exit the house with me in the gorilla suit. I was truthfully very nervous about putting on the gorilla suit. The last time I attempted to wear an animal costume was back in college when I worked at Borders book store. I was asked to play Curious George one day for a special event that was being held in the kids' section. As soon as I strapped on the head, I FLIPPED OUT. "Get this fucking thing off me!" I screamed. Luckily, I was not actually in the kids' section at the time ... I could have given those kids some permanent life scars. I would not call myself a particularly claustrophobic person, but the minute I got inside that hot, giant head, I was convinced I was going to die.

I felt a similar sense of panic when I put on the gorilla head. I was seconds away from saying I couldn't do it, but then a sense of calm overtook me. "You're okay," I told myself. "It's just a plastic gorilla head. Other people in the world have to deal with things that are far more terrifying. Wars and things. You can do this." I didn't know I would have to do it for the next hour and a half, which is how long it takes to film people walking out of a house and onto a porch in movie time. But I got used to it, and I think I might have finally conquered my fear of wearing fake heads over my real head. This is a good thing, because that fear has prevented me from engaging in many of life's finer pleasures.

It was weird being inside the suit ... the minute you put on a gorilla head, you become this strange leering presence that intimidates everyone around you. Jennifer and the actor playing the dad (the phenomenal Brian Huskey) bonded with each other while I hulked around like a jackass. For some reason, I felt like I was not allowed to speak when the head was on, which probably made my presence even more upsetting.

After the gorilla experience, the Prisoner and the Boy shot for a few hours, while I hung out on the porch with Brian and Jennifer. They were both incredibly funny and nice and I spent most of the day laughing like a giddy schoolgirl. I did not have much time to bond with the actor playing the Prisoner (who must remain nameless for mysterious IMDB reasons) because he was filming most of the day, but the Boy (Anthony Crehan) was a really great kid. His dad Kevin was on set all day, so I got to talk to him a lot ... he was a great guy, too. Really, an incredibly nice and supportive environment all the way around.

The day ended around 8:00. From what I was able to see, I think it's going to be an excellent piece of Communist propaganda that we'll all be proud to have on our resumes some day. Just kidding. I don't have a resume.

ARTIST'S CONCEPTION

When we first came up with the idea of printing a bookazine called Awkward, we decided to do 26 issues from A to Z, each of which would feature 5 short stories based around a unifying theme. The theme of the first issue was “Awkwardness,” natch. “Hey!” we said, after the first issue came out and became an international bestseller and the focus of several investigative reports by 60 Minutes, “Let’s shake things up for the second issue!” We determined that the theme of the second issue would be “Brevity,” and that it would feature short, short stories by 25 different authors. After all, rules are meant to be broken, right? Even when they’re rules that have never really been properly established and are of concern to absolutely no one except the poor book designers (Holly and Andy at Rumors! Holla!) who had to reconceptualize the entire publication.

And then along came the iPad, and suddenly, Everything Changed. Those paper-filled things we once called “books” are now confined to the trash heaps of our imaginations, and also the trash heaps that are not imaginary. People no longer want to waste their time painstakingly leafing through burdensome collections of dead trees to ingest the printed word. Now, we can all simply fire up our hip-screens and dive into words in a far-more engrossing and efficient manner. No longer do we have to struggle with the physically demanding act of turning a page. Even hands have become obsolete; a single finger is all most people need to get through their days.

Awkward Press is not the type of organization to let the future pass us by. We have decided to dive right into this glorious new world order of literature by creating an iPad version of our next book, complete with Exciting New Content that will make paper books look like caveman forks. The kind with only 1 tine.

In honor of our future reading environment, we’re proud to announce that the next issue of Awkward will be a hybrid book-movie experience. Not only will you get 25 incredible stories by 25 incredible authors, you will also get filmed adaptations of a selection of the stories to be included in the iPad version of the book. In addition, Awkward Two will be available on the Kindle, through Amazon, and through our very own online marketplace. To honor the people who still believe in reading the old fashioned way, we’ll even put the movies up online for free. I don’t exactly know how we’re going to do any of this yet, but I can say that when we put our minds to something, we will make that thing happen.

When we started Awkward Press, people told us we were crazy for wanting to print books. We did it anyway. They told us we were idiots for thinking we could possibly design and maintain our own blog, that only scientists could accomplish a task so daunting. We did it anyway. We love our writers, we love our readers, and we love the idea of diving headfirst into experiments that should not be attempted by anyone on the kind of shoestring budgets we have to work with. Over the next few months, we’ll keep you updated on how we’re doing, and we would appreciate your support when the book is released in September.

We would also appreciate a rich investor who wants to set us up with generous salaries so we can do this full time. Please contact us today and we’ll tell you where to wire the money.