Speaking of, how about this healthcare thing, huh? Crazy. I don’t really care what kind of “package” we end up getting, just so long as the status quo is maintained. If there’s one thing about our country that’s great, it’s how I have to spend two hours on the phone arguing with my insurance company every time I go to see a doctor. That’s how the founding fathers would have wanted it. There’s that great story in The People’s History of America where Thomas Jefferson goes to the doctor and he’s like, “what is this? You bleed me without asking for recompense, sir? Back to England with ye!” (Little known fact: Thomas Jefferson was part pirate.)
I haven’t rapped at ya’ about Awkward for awhile, but we are still very much alive and needing your support. Sales have been pretty slow since our party in New York, I think partly because I have stopped talking about it incessantly. If you have not bought a copy yet, I truly recommend doing so. Not just because I have a hilarious and mind-blowing story in the collection, but because it is a cover-to-cover masterpiece that children of all ages and mental abilities can enjoy. To that end:
1) We’re in a store! Just one. The one store that I happen to walk past on my way to work every day. Skylight Books, the best independent bookstore in Los Angeles, now has 5 copies of Awkward One. If you live in L.A. and don’t own a copy yet, please stop in and buy one so they will think we’re popular! If you don’t live in Los Angeles, buy it here! Now! Now now now!
2) We are going to start working on Awkward Two soon. Here’s what we discovered: the theme of the first issue is “Awkward Occurrences.” I mean, we didn’t discover that, that was our idea. But we decided that because the first issue begins with “A”,” the second needs to begin with “B.” You see where this is headed. 26 issues, and then we’re out. Or, if things are going well, then we begin again.
So the theme of the next issue is “Brevity,” and we’re toying around with the idea of taking submissions. Not just toying around with it, actively pursuing it. But not actively just yet. Sort of under-the-cover pursuing it. If you happen to check this blog and happen to be a writer and happen to want to submit something that’s less than 1,000 words long, we’d love to take a look at it. Email email@example.com. And please, PLEASE, whatever you do, don’t send us bullshit. We hate reading bullshit. We want a story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. I don’t care if you only have 1,000 words to work with. Make it count.
And if we read your story and reject it, please, PLEASE don’t tell us we’re idiots. These things happen. You’re probably a lovely, wonderful writer. Trust me, I have been rejected more times than I care to count. Truthfully, I have never been accepted, which is why I started my own publishing company. And deep down inside, every time I was rejected I always thought, “those people are idiots! I am a genius and my story is the best.” The truth is, none of us are idiots, we just all have very specific needs and sometimes your brilliant story just doesn’t fit the vibe we’re going for. My stories are still the best, but whatevers. The more people we reject, the more people we are encouraging to start their own publishing companies and help us bring reading back as a kinda cool thing to do.
And also, the people who have already sent me stuff, please know: YOU HAVE NOT BEEN REJECTED. I have not read anything yet. I’m sorry for taking so long, but I am looking forward to it, I promise!
3) After our smash coming-out party in New York, the good people at Happy Ending were kind enough to ask us to do a monthly reading series. I do not live there, so it seemed like a bit of a stretch. But my partner Clay has nobly agreed to take on this task. So soon, New Yorkers will have more Awkward than they’ll know what to do with. I’ll keep you informed on the details when the details is done!
Thanks for being patient!