Check it out, bitches! A mere two days after announcing the Awkward Boners challenge, Awkward Press has SHOT UP two whole pages in the Google “awkward” search. I am proud to announce that we are now the 34th most popular awkward anything on the web, right behind Cracked.com’s list of David Letterman’s most awkward moments. I am so filled with joy right now that I’m literally peeing tears. Or, whatever it is that is the opposite of literally.

The relative ease of this triumph has led me to realize that I’ve set the bar too low. Yes, I still want to take the #3 spot away from Awkwardboners.com in the “awkward” Google search. But I am also now committed to stealing the #2 “boners” spot. How do I intend to accomplish this? Well, according to search engine optimization people, the H1 headers are crucial. In order to get cranked up in the boners search, I should pepper my page with giant boners, like so:

Boners boners boners boners boners!

Boners boners boners boners boners!

Did I mention that we publish literature, too? How proud is my mom? Buttons literally popping, but not literally.