Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.

Archive for ‘Awkwardness’

The Least Controversial Packaging Message in Recorded History

April 12, 2011 By: Category: Awkwardness

This message is printed on the back of my container of half & half:

Ha! This message is the best. I love that Alta Dena is out there supporting the brave people. It’s good! Brave people need our support!

I also like the implication that simply living in America is now considered an act of bravery.

The 8 Most Awkward Things That Happened in 2010

January 12, 2011 By: Category: Awkwardness, Best of 2010

In honor of our commitment to awkwardness in all things, I decided to create a very special list for 2010: the most awkward news events of the year.  Why 8 instead of 10?  Because 8’s a more awkward number.

So here, in my humble opinion, are 8 of the most awkward things that happened in 2010.  In chronological order.

1. January: the tallest man-made structure ever builtBurj Khalifa building, Dubai, the Burj Kalifa in Dubai, opens.   This is awkward for two reasons: one, this tower is so much taller than absolutely every other building anywhere near it that it simply looks ridiculous; two, Dubai ran out of money while building it and had to turn to its neighboring Arab Emirate, Abu Dhabi, for finishing funds.  As a result, it was renamed “Burj Kalifa” at the behest of the Abu Dhabi government.  This is a little bit like building the tallest building in the world in New York and having to name it after the Canadian prime minister.

2. April: Volcanic ash from the eruption of Iceland’s Eyjafjallajökull interrupts air traffic across Europe for over a week.  This is awkward both because it’s almost inconceivable that a word could have as confusing a spelling as “Eyjafjallajökull,” and also because it reminds us that Nature can still kick Man in the ass whenever it wants. (more…)

The Internet: Oh How We’ve Grown

November 01, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, Websites

I just stumbled across this page showing off a variety of corporate websites from the earliest days of the Internet. Really, not much can be said other than: awesome.

We Get Reviews:

October 26, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, Book Reviews, Press

I’m proud to announce that Awkward Two just got a GREAT review on! And I quote:

In fact, whether pensive or inventive, there’s a surprise or two in every package – practically every 33 of the micro-short stories – economically bubbling over the bounds of Awkward Two’s one hundred pages. An array of subject matter, themes, styles, tones, and characters are represented. Don’t like one story in this mostly hit, some miss, affair? Turn a page or two, flip on through – there’s another, and another…

Gordon Hauptfleisch,

You can read the whole review right here.

And you can (and should) buy a copy of the book right here.

Help Awkward Press Finish Our Movie Project

October 14, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, Movies

Actual still from actual film that may actually exist if you donate to support the cause!

If you’ve been following the Awkward Press film and book project at all, you know we already have four amazing adaptations of the stories in Awkward Two, all of which can be viewed now at As you can see from the films we’ve already done, we’re not joking around. These are some kick-ass movies by some talented-ass filmmakers.

Well, there is one more talented-ass filmmaker waiting in the wings, but we need your support to make sure his film sees the light of day. In order to do that, we need to raise $750. The film is “Zen & the Art of House Painting,” based on the hilarious and touching story by Wayne Scheer. I have not seen the finished product yet (it doesn’t exist. For more information, see: the entire post surrounding this parenthetical remark) but the script is great and the actors are phenomenal and the director (Joel Maguen) and DP (Kevin Krupitzer) are talented, talented, talented, and I think this is going to be one fantastic movie when it’s finished.

To collect your donations, we’ve put up a page on You can visit it right here. There are incentives for donating! These incentives are:

  • $5-$9: Special thanks in the credits of Zen And The Art of House Painting
  • $10-$24: Above plus free electronic download of Awkward Two book release, including short film adaptations.
  • $25-$49: Above plus hard copy of Awkward Two book + DVD of films
  • $50-$99: Above plus hard copy of Awkward One book
  • $100 +: Above plus Executive Producer credit on “Zen And The Art of House Painting”

Once the final film is finished, we’re going to press a DVD featuring all the films, to be sent out to anyone who orders the book through our site and to anyone who makes a donation of $25 or more.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “You guys are a for-profit company! Why do you need my money?” Here’s the thing: we are absolutely for-profit. But we are also entirely self-financed, and we have put a lot of money into this project so far. More then we can ever possibly make back. Basically, we’re trying not to lose our shirts on this deal, and your donation could really help make sure that happens.

I mean, if you want my baby daughter to live in a box, that’s cool … the world is a harsh and cruel place, a lesson she’ll have to learn at some point in her life. No pressure. But if you can give a few bucks, we’d really appreciate it.

Awkward Film #4: The Vanishing Point

October 05, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, The Awkward Film Project, Videos

The days continue to churn into weeks and the Awkward Two film project just keeps getting better and better. Today’s entry is The Vanishing Point, directed by our good friend Eric Kissack and executive produced by my lovely wife Sarah. The film is based on my story from Awkward Two. I wrote the screenplay, too, so my fat fingerprints are all over this one. I know I’m biased, but I think the film is great and I’m pretty certain we’re going to take home the Oscar. Enjoy! And after you’re done enjoying, please buy a copy of Awkward Two so you can read the story the film was based on!

The Vanishing Point from Awkward Press on Vimeo.

Win a Free Copy of Awkward Two on Litdrift

October 01, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, Press

Been craving a copy of Awkward Two but too broke to buy one? Head on over to Litdrift right now and comment to get in a drawing for a free copy! And while you’re there, poke around the site, join their mailing list, and thank them for being such awesome supporters of indie lit.

Awkward Two – the First Fiction Book with Embedded Video

September 30, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness

Not a mock-up.

Oh mah gah. I just popped over to the iTunes bookstore to check on the status of Awkward Two, and guess what? WE HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED! Ya know what this means? This means we are the VERY FIRST FICTION BOOK IN EXISTENCE with embedded video.

Okay, that probably isn’t exactly true. Have you ever seen the Alice in Wonderland iPad thing? That shit is sweet. But I will say this with absolute (99%) certainty: we are (almost) certainly the first book of short stories ever released with instant film adaptations. The (maybe possibly) first! Mark my words!

You can buy the book with video right now for $6.99. (I have no idea how to link to the iTunes bookstore through the regular old telonet, or else I’d send you directly to the page.) Check it out right here.

By mid-October, we’ll have a total of six short films embedded in the book; right now, there are only three (plus the bonus Awkward trailer). As the other two become available, you’ll be able to update your copy for free. And if any other filmmakers are inspired and want to make films for the other stories in the book, get in touch with us and we’ll make it happen! The more, the merrier!

If you ever read books on your iPhone, iPad or iPod, we’d really appreciate it if you could throw us a couple of bucks in solidarity. We have no idea how to get the iTunes store to notice us, but if we sell a few copies, they just might be inclined to feature the book. Even if you don’t ever think you’ll read it … consider it a donation to a just cause. We would totally do the same for you. If you ever released the first ever fiction book with embedded video, we would totally buy it. Oh, wait, too late, cause WE ALREADY DID IT. BOOM!

Our First Bit of Press

September 29, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness

Awkward Two author Joshua Citrak wows the crowd with his story "Pure Gold."

The LA Awkward release party was held last night at Cinespace, and it was a real whiz-bang of a good time. Were you there? You should’ve been there. World-O-Crap was there, and they gave us a nice plug on the site today. Thanks, World-o-Crap! We owe you a drink!

Awkward Two On Sale Today!

September 27, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness

Yes! It is on sale. You no longer have to pre-order it. Now you can order-order it, and it will come right to your doorstep!

You currently have two options for ordering Awkward Two: through our website (here), or through Amazon (here). If you order through our website, you’ll get a free DVD featuring short films made just for the book!

Assuming the iTunes store accepts the ePub file I spent all last week coding, you’ll soon be able to order it through them with embedded video. Not for nothing, but I’m pretty sure this is the first fiction book ever released with embedded video. It’s kind of a big deal, or whatever.

The Kindle release will also be coming later this week … just waiting for approval. And after that, we’ll try to make it available for all the other book reading devices out there.

I’m feeling a little exhausted by all the promoting I’ve been doing lately, so I’ll just leave you with this: please, please buy a copy in some form or another. Your support could really help us make this project a success.