Hey there champies! I've been outta commission for awhile, throwing glamorous parties in New York and staging protests outside of my local public school to stop Obama from indoctrinating our school children into his Communist trans-gender agenda, but now I'm back to talk about the latest additions to my iTunes. Let's get down to it, boppers!

1) The Antlers: Hospice
Date added: 9/4/2009

HOLY G*DDAMN MOTHERF*CKING APE-FIST*NG PEE CLOWN, this is a great record! Okay, so full disclosure: I never really got swept up in the whole Arcade Fire phenomenon. I really want to love Funeral as much as everyone else does, but there's something about it that feels disingenuous to me. Maybe not disingenuous ... that might not be the right word. It just has all the trappings of being an emotionally sweeping epic, but something about it seems cold ... the same feeling I get from Beck and TV on the Radio. For whatever reason, it just doesn't make me feel that buzz in my tingly parts the way I think it should.

This album is all buzz in the tingly parts. It makes me tingly in places I didn't know could tingle. The comparison to Arcade Fire is not originally mine, although the similarities between the two albums are pretty apparent ... Hospice tells the story of a terminally ill child (are you crying already?) while Funeral is about, um, funerals. They're both filled with songs that start out quiet and crescendo into giant, emotionally-wrenching codas with chimes and crashing cymbals and all that kind of over-produced what not. But where the Antlers get it right over Arcade Fire, I think, is in the immediacy of the production. When I listen to Funeral, I feel like I'm hearing it through a layer of gauze, while Hospice sounds like it's being played inside my head.

According to Pitchfork, this album was recorded in a home-studio, which is astonishing, considering its sonic depth. It is utterly gorgeous and heartfelt and a prime contender for album of the year.

Conclusion: If you have ever loved me, you will buy this record.

2) The xx: xx
Date added: 9/4/2009

What a great week for music! I stumbled upon The xx after eMusic gave me 50 free credits for being an influential blogger, personality, and fashion icon. Also because they gave 50 free credits to all of their members.

The first reference points that come to my mind for this record are Hot Chip and Spoon. The xx have the stripped down, every-note-counts orchestration of Spoon, with the sort of blase sexiness of Hot Chip. But also with a sexy female singer, which makes the sexiness not as blase. Apparently they're making big waves in England, probably because of their stupid name. In spite of that name, I'm going to recommend this record highly. It's a nice sexy album for having sex to and/or with. It's what you want the Gutter Twins to be but they aren't because the Gutter Twins are boring. It's maybe a little anticlimactic after the climactic brilliance of the Antlers, but on any other week, this would be the top pick.

Conclusion: My love is not dependent upon you buying this record, but it's still highly recommended for all fans of music that sounds good.

3) Redd Kross: Neurotica
Date added: 9/4/2009

Redd Kross were a band ahead of their time. Their first record, released in 1982 when one of the members was only 14, was a snot-nosed thrash-punk classic. Or whatever, I've never heard it. I'm totally talking out of my ass. This album, Neurotica, released in 1987, is widely credited as being a prime influence on "grunge," even though it went out of print almost immediately and no one has ever heard it. It's one of those records.

I have loved the follow up to this album, (Third Eye), since high school, but I'd never heard anything else by Redd Kross until I downloaded this. It's a hard album to judge upon first listen. It straddles the line between hair metal, 70s bubblegum, punk, and 50s pop, without ever putting down roots in any of those genres. Also, they're from LA, and being from L.A. in 1987 is an immediate disqualification for producing good rock and roll. Wait, except for Guns n' Roses. And Jane's Addiction. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe 1987 L.A. was the best time and place in musical history.

Anyway, I'm tentative. Upon further listen, it could very well become a favorite, but for now I'll have to give it a "we'll wait and see."

Conclusion: We'll wait and see.

In only the second week of New Muesday, I already have to change my mission. I only got 3 new records this week, and only one of them is actually new(ish). As you'll recall, I initially claimed that I would be reviewing the 5 latest albums in my iTunes. I didn't realize when I made that claim that 5 albums a week is a lot of new albums to get. In the interest of not going broke, the new mission is to write about whatever I've picked up since last week, with maybe some others thrown in when I have nothing new to offer. Let me just run this by the blogging rules committee, and I'll let you kno ... yes! The blogging rules committee said yes. (Full disclosure: I am the president of the blogging rules committee.)

For this week, I have lots of paying work to do, so I think I'm going to keep this short and sweet with the 3 records I've picked up since last time. Are we ready? Here we go!

1) School of Seven Bells: Alpinisms
Date added: 8/21/2009

Hmm. I have listened to this record 3 times now, and it still hasn't settled in. I guess I would say it's a little like Postal Service crossed with Dirty Projectors. Which sounds like it might be good, because Postal Service could use some of Dirty Projectors artiness, and Dirty Projectors could use some of Postal Service's simple poppiness, right? Probably, although for whatever reason, it doesn't quite mesh in the way a fan of both of those groups would like it to.

Apparently, the band is made up of one dude from the Secret Machines and a twin sisters from the band On! Air! Library! which I've never heard of, but I'm inclined to discount just because of the exclamation points. According to Wikipedia, they met on tour and decided to move in together and start a new band. Which, I mean, what? That happens? I guess it happens to the dude from the Secret Machines.

I can't really recommend this or not recommend it. So far, it has failed to interest me. It's long. 12 songs, and all but 2 of them are over 4 minutes long. One is over 11 minutes long. That's too long. No one needs a song that long. That's almost an hour of music, total. No one needs an hour of music. Also, the vocals sound like they should be buried in the mix, a la My Bloody Valentine, but they're front and center. It's a little irritating. I might turn around on it, but for now, I would have to give it a solid "meh."

Conclusion: Meh.

1) Dead Kennedys: Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables
Date added: 8/20/2009

"What? You didn't already own this album? Are you even ... what are you?"

No. I did not own this album before last week. I know, I'm a poser. (I don't know why I resist spelling it poseur. The French are quite angry with me.) This is the Dead Kennedys' most famous album, the one with "California Über Alles" and "Holiday in Cambodia." I never got into the Dead Kennedys because Jello Biafra's spoken word stuff is really obnoxious. But I am pleasantly surprised by this record. I'm not paying attention to the lyrics, because I'm listening to it in the background (that's what I do on New Muesday). The lyrics would, I'm sure, add a whole new dimension to the songs. As far as fist-pumping punk rock goes, this sounds right up my alley.

The Dead Kennedys are classified as "hardcore" punk. Every time I hear that description, I brace myself for some super abrasive, unlistenable caterwauling, but then it usually turns out to be good old, catchy punk, just played a little faster. I'm a sucker for a sing-along song. The great thing about punk rock is that, for music that was always sort of stereotyped as being "ugly," most of the good stuff is just a faster version of classic 50s rock. And often, the ugliness is played for laughs ... how can you take yourself seriously when your whole M.O. is to start a band without really learning how to play your instruments? It's a silly experiment on its face. And with tracks titles like "Kill the Poor," "Let's Lynch the Landlord," and "I Kill Children" ... clearly, someone's taking the piss.

Even without the other songs, this record would be worth buying just for "California Über Alles." But the whole thing is great from start to finish. It deserves its place in the pantheon of classic punk. Thanks, Jello! You made my day.

Or at least, you did, until my office mate arrived and I had to turn it off. I once walked into his office to find the new Sheryl Crow record sitting on his desk. The new Sheryl Crow! Casual Sheryl Crow listeners did not buy the new Sheryl Crow albums. That one was strickly for the fanatics.

Conclusion: I'm sure you already own it, because you're cooler than me. But if you don't, add it to the collection. I mean, the Dead Kennedys, not Sheryl Crow.

3) The Adverts: Cast of Thousands
Date added: 8/20/2009
Recommended by: Mike Segretto

See, this is why I love punk rock. You start with the Dead Kennedys, and you move on to Adverts, and the only thing really uniting them is that they both make you want to jump up and down with joy, even though they're ostensibly filled with rage. As Segretto said when he recommended it to me, "The first song has a freaking choir!" And yet it still manages to have the immediacy and raw power that makes punk so consistently invigorating and entertaining, in spite of its relative simplicity.

These guys are frigging fantastic. They can do it all ... from epic crescendo-pop ("Cast of Thousands") to rockabilly rave-ups ("Love Songs") to spaghetti Western Valium surf (yes, that's totally a kind of music -- "I Will Walk You Home"). In "The Adverts," they even turn their own name into a fantastic meta-joke ("Pretty soon you'll be thinking like the Adverts/Spouting out the same words/Pretty soon you'll be living like the Adverts/things could be worse.")

As with many albums recorded between, oh, 1972 and 1991, the mastering leaves a lot to be desired. The orchestrations are always inventive, but the mastering makes it sound flat and disconnected. For an album this chock full of rock, however, I will deal.

Conclusion: Get. Now.

New albums come out on Tuesday. I don't know if you kids knew this, what with your digital thievery and what not. I don't think there's an official day for leaks.

Tuesday used to be a big day for me. I used to wait in line to buy new albums the night they were released. I remember waiting in line for the midnight release of Nine Inch Nails' The Downward Spiral album at Wherehouse Records in Ann Arbor. I was pretty pumped for that record, apparently. And when I got it, I ran screaming back to my dorm room as if on fire and made my roommate listen to it on repeat for the rest of the night while I poured Goldschlager shots down his throat. I don't know if that last part happened. But that's definitely what I would do if The Downward Spiral was released today.

Well, it's Tuesday, and it's Awkward Press, and I have new music, and that means one thing: it's New Muesday! In which I take a good, critical listen to the 5 latest records that have found their way into my iTunes. (By good, critical listen, I mean I will have it on in the background while I do other things.) They may be new records, they may be old records, but one thing is for certain: they will not be records. They will be digital globs of ones and zeroes that produce pleasing tones. Are we ready? Let's do this bitch!

1) The Brokenmusicbox: Waking the Sound
Date added: 8/18/09
Recommended by: Jon Harmon

Lovely music for a Sunday morning. If you were sad on a Sunday morning and didn't quite feel like crying but couldn't handle Rammstein, this is the record you would put on the whatever kids listen to music on nowadays. It sounds like the Sundays, actually. Quite a bit. Only there's a guy. I often wonder how people have the confidence to play slow music. I think it takes a lot of guts. With a fast song, you can obscure what you're doing. There's no hiding behind a slow song. I know all of that because I majored in being smart about music.

This album may take a few spins to break in. It was very nice in this context, in which I had to pay very little attention to it. I don't know that I'd rush to throw it on at my next party. (Full disclosure: I don't have parties.) But it is definitely the finest Excel background music I have heard all day.

As I was listening to this album, I heard geese squawking in the background, which is a very odd sound to hear in LA. I can confirm that this album also blends very nicely with geese squawking.

Conclusion: Steal it!

2) Jay Z + the Beatles (mixed by Danger Mouse): The Grey Album
Date added: 8/16/09

Yeah, I know, what is this, 2004? (Full disclosure: it is not 2004.) I snagged The Grey Album the other day because one of the tracks from it came up on a mix I was listening to and I realized I had never heard the whole album before. You probably know the story already ... Danger Mouse mashed up Jay-Z's Black Album and the Beatles' White Album into The Grey Album. It was never available commercially because the Beatles would make you pay every time you accidentally caught a glimpse of one of their album covers if they could. But you can still find it on the World Wide Web if you know how to find things. (Hint: It starts with "goo" and ends with "le". Also, there is another "g" before the "le.")

I don't know how to critique this record. It sounds cool. I don't know the original Jay-Z album, so I can't tell how different it is. I know the White Album. But a lot of the music is so hacked and flipped and reworked that it's completely unrecognizable. I don't understand remixes. Like, with technology, can't you just put anything through the blender and make it sound fresh? Danger Mouse constructed all the drumbeats on this album from the original White Album drum parts, which is sort of impressive. But like, he'd take one drum hit and put it in a sampler and double it up until it became a totally different beat. So, what's the point? Other than being able to say you did it.

I mean, no disrespect to Danger Mouse, this record is undeniably dope. And I bet it was a fun project to do. It's just hard to get blown away by the technical work behind it without knowing anything about how difficult it would be to do. But, I guess if you've always wanted to hear Jay-Z rapping over totally reworked Beatles loops, this is probably the album you should get. Or Frampton Comes Alive, which is almost the same thing.

Conclusion: Steal it! (That's the only way to get it.)

3) The Bitter Tears: Jam Tarts in the Jakehouse
Date added: 8/14/09
Recommended by: Ben Boxer

Ben Boxer has good taste in music. He told me this band was a nonstop well of hilarity. I've listened to this record probably 3 times, and I don't hear it yet. Good band, but hilarious? I don't know. Ben Boxer is hilarious, though, so he probably knows what he's talking about.

They sound like, um, I dunno. The Glands. They sound like the Glands. Do you know the Glands? Everyone should know the Glands. Go check out the Glands second album (also called the Glands) and get back to me. Unheralded masterpiece.

I have to cop out on this one. I need more time with The Bitter Tears. Does that defeat the purpose of even discussing an album, to say that I can't say whether I like it or not yet? It falls into that world of mid-tempo country-ish rock that is really difficult to get a bead on right off the bat. I'll probably grow to love it. If Ben Boxer loves it, it's okay by me.

Conclusion: Listen to it more! Not you, me.

4) The Low Anthem: Oh My God, Charlie Darwin
Date added: 8/14/09

Emusic is the best and the worst. I know, people who pay for music in this day and age are fools. I can't argue with that. But here's what I like: I like getting full albums. I like getting full albums easily. I like being bored and wanting new music and being able to easily hook up with a band I've never heard of. And emusic provides that. Please note, however: they are an awful, awful company. They don't let your songs roll over from month to month. Their website is useless in many ways. They just raised their prices because they made a deal with some major labels to provide music that I would never in a million years have any interest in.

But that being said, there is something psychologically exciting about going to your emusic account and seeing that you have 50 credits which, even though you pay for it every month, still feels kinda like a gift. I rarely use emusic to buy anything I would normally buy elsewhere, because I normally just buy that stuff through normal channels like normal.com or whatever. Emusic is used for discovering new music.

Like these fellows here, the Low Anthem. Never would have heard of them if it weren't for emusic, and I'm happy I did, because this is some damn fine stuff. It's a great mix of Fleet Foxes-esque pastoral symphonies (that's a music thing, look it up), late-night country lullabies, and feet-stomping bluegrass rave-ups. The third track, "Ticket Taker," is the best secular gospel song I've heard in ages. The pretty songs are gorgeous, the rocking songs are bangers, and according to my wife, I laugh in my sleep. FYI, that last part didn't really have anything to do with the review. Regardless, this one will be getting many spins on the machine I use to spin my mp3s.

Conclusion: Buy! Buy! Buy!

5) Nellie McKay: Pretty Little Head
Date added: 8/14/09

I avoided Nellie McKay for many years because I knew she was a jazz piano prodigy who wrote Cole Porter-esque songs and sometimes rapped. The jazz piano and Cole Porter parts were okay, but combine that with rapping, and you have a perfect recipe for quirk overload. But, as I said before, one sometimes needs to get rid of one's emusic credits, and so one takes a shot on something that one might not buy for oneself other one wise.

And so I ended up downloading Nellie's first album, Get Away From Me, which kind of blew my mind. Yes, it contains some pretty unbearable white-girl rapping. But it is also filled to the brim with witty, catchy pop songs that manage to transcend their quirkiness.

Her second album, Pretty Little Head, was one of those Yankee Hotel Foxtrot records that everyone loved but the label refused to release, for whatever reason. And then I guess they finally released it, because I have it now. And once again, it is filled with witty, catchy pop songs that get in your head and refuse to leave, even when you threaten it with a hammer. It's a more mature and polished effort than the first one, much less quirky, and also there is a guest appearance by Cyndi Lauper, which, okay, maybe that's kind of quirky. I don't care. I'm going to listen to this one again right now.

Conclusion: Buy it, but only if this description sounds appealing, because if you're like some Sunn O))) fan, you're going to pick up this record and probably think it's some kind of bullshit.