Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.
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Archive for ‘Site Notices’

The Return of the Movie Challenge

August 28, 2012 By: Category: Site Notices

Exciting news! The Awkward Movie Challenge has returned! Only it is occurring over at our dear friend Mike Segretto’s site, Psychobabble. Today we will be discussing the film Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. If you enjoy watching two grown men slobbing all over their favorite director’s knob, this challenge is for you!

Check it out here.

Digital Versions of Johnny Astronaut and I, An Actress Now Available

November 17, 2011 By: Category: Publishing, Site Notices, Videos

Hello. Jeffrey Dinsmore here, publisher of Awkward Press. Back in the mid-2000s, I wrote two novels – Johnny Astronaut and I, An Actress: the Autobiography of Karen Jamey. These books sold out their print runs and have not been available since then.

This made me sad. I worked hard on these books and I have a lot of affection for them. They are really, really funny. I’ve always wished they were still out there, lightening the world’s mood in these dark days.

Well, now, with the magic of the eReader, I am pleased to say these books are finally available again. What’s more, they’re chock full of extra material for you to enjoy. What’s even more more, they are only $.99 each!

Here’s what your $1.98 will get you:

Johnny Astronaut by Rory Carmichael
(Buy it at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0061RKDV2)

  • the complete text of the original sci-fi-hardboiled-disco-dancing adventure!
  • over 70 pages of bonus musings from “author” Rory Carmichael himself!

I An Actress: The Autobiography of Karen Jamey
(Buy it at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005Z5F7BM)

  • the unedited author’s cut of the novel, including a never-before-seen chapter that was cut from the original pressing!
  • a special essay from Karen Jamey on the James Frey memoir scandal!
  • three short stories by Jeffrey Dinsmore, including cult faves “Faggy on the Streets” and “The Alcoholic Monkey Who Took Over My Mind and Turned Me Into a Cold-Blooded Killer!”

(more…)

Natalie Portman and the World Patrol Kids

February 10, 2011 By: Category: Site Notices, Videos

Ack! I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since I updated the blog! This is a true crime against humanity. I apologize deeply from the bottom of my soul to both of my readers. I’ve been busy updating the Story of the Day blog (which actually hasn’t been updated in 3 days, either) and taking care of a child and whatever the hell else it is I do with my time.

The Press is sort of in a holding pattern right now, anyway … our DVDs are going to finally be delivered on Wednesday, February 16th, and we’re waiting for that to happen before engaging in the next big publicity push. Be sure to buy your copy of Awkward Two right now so you can get the book + DVD combo the day they’re available!

The other big news is that the enhanced version of Awkward Two is now available for the Kindle app on your smart phone or other smart device. You can … and should … buy it right here.

Now, to the important part: Natalie Portman at age 12 as an adorable little Eco Warrior. Skip to 3:20 for the Portman action … but don’t skip the opening song, which is equally amazing.

World Patrol Kids from Eden Riegel on Vimeo.

The Daily Traffic Report

September 03, 2010 By: Category: Site Notices

"Outta my way! I got guns to buy and threats to make!"

Look, I know you’re excited about our increased traffic at awkwardpress.com. That goes without saying. Every day, when you wake up, your first thought is … “how’s the traffic on Awkward Press today?” And then you check the site and I don’t mention it and you leave discouraged and buy a gun and pledge to have your revenge. This literally happens to you EVERY DAY. You have stockpiled a lot of guns.

Well, good news! You don’t have to buy a gun today, because here’s the traffic report: traffic is awesome! We hit 2,950 visitors during the last month! 200 in the past day alone! If each one of those people bought a copy of Awkward Two — an unbelievable steal for $10 plus $2 shipping and handling — we might able to finally pay back the giant pile of debts we’ve accrued in starting this idiotic venture. Okay, so most of those people are clearly just stopping by to figure out the link between Adidas and soccer balls. But those people read too, right? Maybe the theme of the next issue should be “soccer balls.”

Apologies to Cherie Currie

March 07, 2010 By: Category: Site Notices

A few days ago, I wrote a comment regarding the book Neon Angel by Cherie Currie that was ghostwritten by our friend Tony O’ Neill. In my comments, I said, “For those of you who are unfamiliar with literary terms, that means that Tony basically wrote the whole thing.”

Yesterday, I got an email from the legendary Runaways leader herself, telling me that I was totally wrong and that she worked her ass off on it and that I am basically a complete dick, although she said it in a much nicer way than that. Not only that, but Neon Angel was actually originally released in 1989, and the version coming out this year is just a revised version.

And she’s totally right: it was a dick thing to say. I know nothing about Tony and Cherie’s process, and it sounds like she really did work hard on it. Clearly, if it had already been released, it is not 100% Tony’s handiwork. Also, please note that Tony himself had nothing to do with my comments … he’s a great guy who doesn’t have a bad word to say about anyone, and as far as I know, he found the book to be a positive collaborative experience.

It’s easy to make stupid comments on one’s blog and assume that no one will ever see them, but I realize that it’s not right to make fun of someone’s hard work without knowing the facts behind the matter. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Currie for my unnecessarily rude statements. For the record, I love Cherie Currie’s work, I love Tony O’ Neill, and any collaboration between the two is bound to be an amazing read. You can buy Neon Angel right here. And check out Cherie’s bio website and her artwork for more information about her many talents.

Magic Quotes

February 25, 2010 By: Category: Site Notices

A free copy of Awkward One goes to the first person who can tell me why double quotation marks are added every time I use a blockquote in WordPress. Example:

””””””This is a single quotation mark.”””””” “This is a double quotation mark.”

Any php smarties out there?

Update: Nothing is actually happening to the double quotes, the apostrophes are being changed into double quotation marks. That is the real problem. Like so:

Mark said, “I love the part where Juliet””””””””s all ””””””””Wherefore art thou, Romeo?”””””””””

Update Update: Ack! More quotation marks are being added every time I edit the post! See that first quote up there? That started out as a single apostrophe before and after “This” and “mark”.

Also note: nothing is happening in the regular post, it””””s only in the blockquotes.

Update Update Update: WRONG! It”s happening everywhere! Haaaaaalp!

Update Update Update Update: Je l’ai! It’s fixed! No one wins the book. (FYI: No one really tried to win the book.)

Awkward One Special Holiday Price

December 10, 2009 By: Category: Publishing, Site Notices

Awkward One: Now only $7!

Awkward One: Now only $7!

If you’re like me, you spend every waking moment in December lying on the floor in a fetal position, wracked with indecision over what to buy your friends and family for Christmas or whatever other quasi-religious festival of consumption you celebrate. You dream that someday someone will come along and alleviate your pain with the perfect gift idea, but your mental anguish has left you so incapacitated that all you can think to do is pull up your laptop computer and refresh AwkwardPress.com over and over again, hoping beyond hope for some kind of sign.

Consider this your sign, friends.

For a limited holiday time only, we’ve reduced the price on Awkward One to $7! That’s less than 9 cents per page for a fantastic and handsome collection of short stories that most of the editors’ mothers agree is “readable!*” With prices this low, we should be in jail!

Awkward One is soft and bendy and compact and it adds a lovely dash of sophistication to a Christmas stocking or holiday candy sock. It is absolutely impossible to swallow and makes a wonderful teething tool for infants. Hell, rip it apart and use it as wrapping paper … we don’t care! At this price, you’ll still save money!

*not an actual quote

Order your copy now! Now now now now now now now! No, wait … okay, now!

Visit Lit Drift for a Free Copy of Awkward One!

October 30, 2009 By: Category: Press, Publishing, Site Notices

Still waiting to purchase that copy of Awkward One? Well, if you play your cards right, you might not have to! The good people at Lit Drift will be giving away ONE COPY AND ONE COPY ONLY of our precious gem of a book as part of their ongoing “Free Book Friday” contest. All you have to do is comment and you’ll be in the pot.

Even if you have already picked up your copy, Lit Drift is a great book site run by wonderful human beings and you must check them out right now because your life depends on it. Seriously. Lit Drift or death. What’s it gonna be?

If you enter the contest and are not picked, don’t despair. You can still totally buy one here. We have, like, 3 or 4 copies left.

Awkward On the Shelves / Submissions Announcement

October 02, 2009 By: Category: Publishing, Site Notices

A "public option", good sir? At long last, have you no decency left?

A "public option", good sir? At long last, have you no decency left?

Yes, I’ve been away for awhile. It probably won’t get much better for a couple of months. I’ve been furiously slaving away on my Green Jobs book. Which has nothing to do with Awkward, but everything to do with whether or not I will be able to eat. Well, maybe not eat, because I’m not really that poor. More like it is has everything to do with whether or not I will be able to afford the HD channels in my cable package.

Speaking of, how about this healthcare thing, huh? Crazy. I don’t really care what kind of “package” we end up getting, just so long as the status quo is maintained. If there’s one thing about our country that’s great, it’s how I have to spend two hours on the phone arguing with my insurance company every time I go to see a doctor. That’s how the founding fathers would have wanted it. There’s that great story in The People’s History of America where Thomas Jefferson goes to the doctor and he’s like, “what is this? You bleed me without asking for recompense, sir? Back to England with ye!” (Little known fact: Thomas Jefferson was part pirate.)

I haven’t rapped at ya’ about Awkward for awhile, but we are still very much alive and needing your support. Sales have been pretty slow since our party in New York, I think partly because I have stopped talking about it incessantly. If you have not bought a copy yet, I truly recommend doing so. Not just because I have a hilarious and mind-blowing story in the collection, but because it is a cover-to-cover masterpiece that children of all ages and mental abilities can enjoy. To that end:

1) We’re in a store! Just one. The one store that I happen to walk past on my way to work every day. Skylight Books, the best independent bookstore in Los Angeles, now has 5 copies of Awkward One. If you live in L.A. and don’t own a copy yet, please stop in and buy one so they will think we’re popular! If you don’t live in Los Angeles, buy it here! Now! Now now now!

(more…)

Publicity! Publicity!

September 08, 2009 By: Category: Site Notices

Kyle was interviewed by a gentlemen named Adam Szymkowicz and he talked about us! Oh my god oh my god oh my god I think he likes me …

Also, The Fanzine gave us a nice plug in their “Recommended” section.

Also also, one of Clay‘s plays was chosen as part of The Best American Short Plays of 2007-2008! Congratulations Clay!