Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.

Archive for ‘Websites’

The Internet: Oh How We’ve Grown

November 01, 2010 By: Category: Awkwardness, Websites

I just stumbled across this page showing off a variety of corporate websites from the earliest days of the Internet. Really, not much can be said other than: awesome.

The Internet Is Killing It

October 22, 2010 By: Category: Videos, Websites

Man, the Internet is KILLING it today. First, Zach Galifianakis. I don’t know why, but I want to resist his charms. But here’s the thing: HE IS IRRESISTIBLE. He is literally IRRESISTIBLE. This is the number two funniest thing in the history of humanity, right after the amazing new story I’m reading about monsters starting a brand marketing firm Monday night at the Gorbals. (Bam! Sneak plug attack!)

Update: Wait, what? MTV thinks this was real? Sorry, MTV, but you are confused about how the universe and comedy works. I think Zach Galifianakis is probably aware that he hosts a series in which he asks celebrities weird questions and would most likely recognize someone else doing the same bit. Just a hunch. I assumed he wrote it himself, but Gordon Keith is apparently a real guy who really does funny interviews. Here’s one with Will Arnett:

And then we have the exciting news, via Pitchfork, that there is a documentary coming out soon about the Magnetic Fields. This is great news for you, because like me, you believe the Magnetic Fields are one of the greatest musical projects (bands?) of all time with the #1 coolest name. Here’s an excerpt from the documentary in which the filmmakers talk to Reno Dakota. There’s a person named Reno Dakota! My mind is blown. (more…)

Comment of the Day

March 04, 2010 By: Category: Websites

My love for discussion boards verges on the obsessive. I have wiled away many an afternoon scrolling through 1,000 comments on stories that I don’t really care about. I love how there are always those one or two dudes who are clearly just there to pick fights (let’s call them “trolls”), and someone will inevitably take the bait, and then the entire board becomes a showcase for a few stray people to type-shout at each other. It is chaos in action and it provides a fascinating glimpse into how people would communicate if there were no barriers or social rules. That is to say, in a really annoying and ultimately depressing way.

But ever so often, one commenter will rise above the fray and say something truly meaningful and heartfelt. I stumbled across one such gem today while reading a Spin Magazine interview with Cherie Currie, former-lead singer of the Runaways (girl group from the ’70s, birthing place of Joan Jett and Lita Ford). She has a new book coming out that was ghostwritten by Friend of Awkward Tony O’ Neill. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with literary terms, that means that Tony basically wrote the whole thing.) Of course, Tony was not mentioned in this interview, because no one really cares about the ghostwriter. Statement retracted – see here for more info.

The interview is no big shakes; it’s just Cherie talking about the Runaways and her love of chainsaw art (what?) But scroll down underneath the interview and you will find this insightful comment:

Posted By Anonymous
03.04.10 3:19 AM
i used to rub one out listening to these chicks! man they gave me a boner!

I love that someone had a driving need to share this information with the world. I believe this is exactly what the inventors of the Internet envisioned it being used for.

Unhappy Hipsters

February 05, 2010 By: Category: Websites

I have just been made aware of Go. Now.

Believe it or not, it was one of their more successful parties.

(Thanks, Brendan!)

On Pompel and Pilt

September 22, 2009 By: Category: Videos, Websites

On Open Salon today, there’s an amazing story about a terrifying Norwegian kids’ show called Pompel and Pilt:

Pictures cannot fully express the diabolical psychedelia of this sinister black-and-white puppet show. Apart from the eerie theme music, which foreshadowed the stranger works of Tom Waits, there was the absurd dialogue. In general, the show appeared to have been written by some Samuel Beckett fan on acid. Even the titles of the five episodes seemed to suggest the futility of human existence:

1. The Repair Men Are Coming
2. The Repair Men Are Coming Back
3. The Repair Men Are Coming And Coming
4. The Repair Men Are Coming Again
5. The Repair Men Are Coming Back Again

Here’s a sample. It’s in Norwegian, so I don’t understand a second of it. Still, it looks pretty genius.

EXACTLY, Gabe from Videogum!

August 06, 2009 By: Category: Websites

This paragraph from Videogum is so spot on, I had to post it in its entirety. Which, I know, that’s the kind of behavior that’s making newspapers go out of business. But web-on-web reposts? Is that fair game, assuming I give a link? Someone please address my concerns with a “Complete Idiots” guide.

In a post entitled “These Monkeys Having a Pool Party Are Making Us Look the Fool,” Gabe wrote:

Here it is, early August, and I’m sitting in my office staring at a computer screen like an absolute IDIOT, while these monkeys (literally, they are monkeys) are having a fucking pool party? Ooh la la, look at me with my evolutionary advantages and my rational thought and my lack of a prehensile tail. Aren’t I so great. CLEARLY I AM NOT. The summer is running through my fingers like the sands of a beach I still haven’t been to this season, and meanwhile, these wonderful little guys are living life the way it was meant to be lived. Who is the savage beast now? We share 99 percent of our DNA with these guys, but apparently they have a bonus one percent FUN GENE. Unbelievable.

Fucking A. This is what we get from our insistence on being civilized? A life of not being in pools, while monkeys get to be in pools? A monkey’s life for me, then!

(If you want to see the video, you’re just going to have to click over to Videogum. The depths of my thievery only go so far.)

The Point of Twitter: Finally Discovered

July 10, 2009 By: Category: Websites

Sad old man confession: from the early days of Twitter, I have been trying in vain to figure out how to use it properly. Like, are you supposed to just follow random people? How do you know what’s worth reading? Okay, I understand if you type in #Iran you’ll probably come across a few worthwhile things to read … but how do you filter all the garbage? And sure, if you’re in New York and you’re at a bar and you post “I’m at the bar,” maybe some of your friends will show up. But I am not in New York and my friends don’t even show up at the bar when I invite them weeks ahead of time, so why would anyone ever use it?

Yesterday I finally learned the point of it all, and that is this: Twitter games. (Please bear with me for a moment, all my technologically savvy users.) When writing a Twert (that’s what the kids all them), if you insert the # symbol before a phrase, you turn that phrase into a searchable category. If you have a Twitter account, go to your search box right now and type in #1stdraftmovielines or #nicefilmtitles. See what pops up. Or just look at that little Twitter box in my right hand column. Point is: hilarity!

So I decided to try to create my own Twitter party game. Which, is that like the modern version of deciding that you’re going to start calling cool things “scoop” and then you’re talking to your friend and you’re like, “Oh man, your new BKs are crazy scoop,” and he’s like, “fuck off, that’s not a word”? Answer: yes, it is. Whatever, own it. So my Twitter meme game is #sadpartyideas. Like so:

awkwardpress Bobbing for water. #sadpartyideas
about 16 hours ago from digsby

sfjray Hide and go. #sadpartyideas @awkwardpress
about 11 hours ago from TwitterFox

sfjray 7 minutes in heaven with grandma. #sadpartyideas @awkwardpress
about 11 hours ago from TwitterFox

So far, I only have one co-conspirator: the brilliant and charming sfjray. Come help us out! Now is your chance to finally make use of that Twitter account that you signed up for on a whim two months ago and which is currently just sitting there collecting dust. Come on ya’ll, it’ll be totally scoop!

And if, after reading this whole post, you’re like, “what in the Hell are you talking about?” Then I say, “Why don’t you take your GM motorcar over to the Circuit City and have them set you up with some of this future, GRAMPO!”

Videogum Is Real

July 09, 2009 By: Category: Websites

I make no secret of my love for Gabe Delahaye at Videogum. I have never met the man, nor do I know anyone who knows anyone who knows the man. I am simply an admirer of his unfailingly hilarious and creative writing style. It’s all about respect where respect is due, and this gentleman deserves much respect. Some might say he is the cog at the center of the Internet universe, although others might call that hyperbole.

Anyway, Videogum just got name-dropped by Howard Dean in a Colbert Report segment that would’ve been way funnier if he’d screamed. (Although let me make it clear that I do not hold Videogum responsible for Howard Dean’s acting choices). So, propers, Videogum. Good work. (I mean, technically, not really work, but whatever.) And for anyone who is not already reading Videogum religiously, please bookmark them immediately.

That is all.

Also, I do not know how to center this video.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Exclusive – Backstage with Howard Dean
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Jeff Goldblum

Awkward Boners

July 02, 2009 By: Category: Site Notices, Websites

If you google the word “awkward,” the site Awkward Boners is the third thing that comes up. By contrast, you have to click through to page 9 before you see mention of Awkward Press.

You’ve won this round, Awkward Boners. But we’re gunning for you. And we’re taking you down.

Now let us never talk of this site again.