Update: Wait, what? MTV thinks this was real? Sorry, MTV, but you are confused about how the universe and comedy works. I think Zach Galifianakis is probably aware that he hosts a series in which he asks celebrities weird questions and would most likely recognize someone else doing the same bit. Just a hunch. I assumed he wrote it himself, but Gordon Keith is apparently a real guy who really does funny interviews. Here's one with Will Arnett:

And then we have the exciting news, via Pitchfork, that there is a documentary coming out soon about the Magnetic Fields. This is great news for you, because like me, you believe the Magnetic Fields are one of the greatest musical projects (bands?) of all time with the #1 coolest name. Here's an excerpt from the documentary in which the filmmakers talk to Reno Dakota. There's a person named Reno Dakota! My mind is blown.

Also, that version of Reno Dakota he sings at the end is really good! Did he actually write that himself? Reno Dakota is really good!

And then, via Rolling Stone by way of Stereogum, we have more exciting news that Paul Simon's new album is supposedly really really good. To wit:

At 69, Paul Simon is poised for a Time Out Of Mind-style return with his new disc, which he previewed at RS HQ recently. Simon described it as his ‘best since Graceland,’ and we totally agree. We bet his new legion of hipster acolytes (Vampire Weekend, Grizzly Bear) will too.”

It's about time! Welcome back, Rhymin' Simon!

AND FINALLY, via Videogum, there is this:

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

But ever so often, one commenter will rise above the fray and say something truly meaningful and heartfelt. I stumbled across one such gem today while reading a Spin Magazine interview with Cherie Currie, former-lead singer of the Runaways (girl group from the '70s, birthing place of Joan Jett and Lita Ford). She has a new book coming out that was ghostwritten by Friend of Awkward Tony O' Neill. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with literary terms, that means that Tony basically wrote the whole thing.) Of course, Tony was not mentioned in this interview, because no one really cares about the ghostwriter. Statement retracted - see here for more info.

The interview is no big shakes; it's just Cherie talking about the Runaways and her love of chainsaw art (what?) But scroll down underneath the interview and you will find this insightful comment:

Posted By Anonymous
03.04.10 3:19 AM
i used to rub one out listening to these chicks! man they gave me a boner!

I love that someone had a driving need to share this information with the world. I believe this is exactly what the inventors of the Internet envisioned it being used for.

Believe it or not, it was one of their more successful parties.

(Thanks, Brendan!)

Pictures cannot fully express the diabolical psychedelia of this sinister black-and-white puppet show. Apart from the eerie theme music, which foreshadowed the stranger works of Tom Waits, there was the absurd dialogue. In general, the show appeared to have been written by some Samuel Beckett fan on acid. Even the titles of the five episodes seemed to suggest the futility of human existence:

1. The Repair Men Are Coming
2. The Repair Men Are Coming Back
3. The Repair Men Are Coming And Coming
4. The Repair Men Are Coming Again
5. The Repair Men Are Coming Back Again

Here's a sample. It's in Norwegian, so I don't understand a second of it. Still, it looks pretty genius.

In a post entitled "These Monkeys Having a Pool Party Are Making Us Look the Fool," Gabe wrote:

Here it is, early August, and I'm sitting in my office staring at a computer screen like an absolute IDIOT, while these monkeys (literally, they are monkeys) are having a fucking pool party? Ooh la la, look at me with my evolutionary advantages and my rational thought and my lack of a prehensile tail. Aren't I so great. CLEARLY I AM NOT. The summer is running through my fingers like the sands of a beach I still haven't been to this season, and meanwhile, these wonderful little guys are living life the way it was meant to be lived. Who is the savage beast now? We share 99 percent of our DNA with these guys, but apparently they have a bonus one percent FUN GENE. Unbelievable.

Fucking A. This is what we get from our insistence on being civilized? A life of not being in pools, while monkeys get to be in pools? A monkey's life for me, then!

(If you want to see the video, you're just going to have to click over to Videogum. The depths of my thievery only go so far.)

Yesterday I finally learned the point of it all, and that is this: Twitter games. (Please bear with me for a moment, all my technologically savvy users.) When writing a Twert (that's what the kids all them), if you insert the # symbol before a phrase, you turn that phrase into a searchable category. If you have a Twitter account, go to your search box right now and type in #1stdraftmovielines or #nicefilmtitles. See what pops up. Or just look at that little Twitter box in my right hand column. Point is: hilarity!

So I decided to try to create my own Twitter party game. Which, is that like the modern version of deciding that you're going to start calling cool things "scoop" and then you're talking to your friend and you're like, "Oh man, your new BKs are crazy scoop," and he's like, "fuck off, that's not a word"? Answer: yes, it is. Whatever, own it. So my Twitter meme game is #sadpartyideas. Like so:

awkwardpress Bobbing for water. #sadpartyideas
about 16 hours ago from digsby

sfjray Hide and go. #sadpartyideas @awkwardpress
about 11 hours ago from TwitterFox

sfjray 7 minutes in heaven with grandma. #sadpartyideas @awkwardpress
about 11 hours ago from TwitterFox

So far, I only have one co-conspirator: the brilliant and charming sfjray. Come help us out! Now is your chance to finally make use of that Twitter account that you signed up for on a whim two months ago and which is currently just sitting there collecting dust. Come on ya'll, it'll be totally scoop!

And if, after reading this whole post, you're like, "what in the Hell are you talking about?" Then I say, "Why don't you take your GM motorcar over to the Circuit City and have them set you up with some of this future, GRAMPO!"

Anyway, Videogum just got name-dropped by Howard Dean in a Colbert Report segment that would've been way funnier if he'd screamed. (Although let me make it clear that I do not hold Videogum responsible for Howard Dean's acting choices). So, propers, Videogum. Good work. (I mean, technically, not really work, but whatever.) And for anyone who is not already reading Videogum religiously, please bookmark them immediately.

That is all.

Also, I do not know how to center this video.

You've won this round, Awkward Boners. But we're gunning for you. And we're taking you down.

Now let us never talk of this site again.