Awkward Two, a collection of 33 micro-short stories by 25 incredible writers, will be released to the public on September 27, 2010. (You can pre-order it right here.) Who are these incredible writers? Let’s meet ‘em! We sent the same 9 questions to all the writers. Here are their answers.

Joanna Whitmarsh

Look, here’s the thing. As I’m doing the intros to these profiles, you may start to notice that I happen to know quite a few of the writers personally. “Nepotism!” you cry. “Awkward Press is nothing but a bunch of nepotisers!” But see: it isn’t like that. When we went through the submissions, we were not allowed to read stories by writers we knew. We did not pick our friends for this book. It just so happens that we know some kick-ass writers.

The fact that Joanna Whitmarsh is a kick-ass writer came as a complete surprise. I met her in a community art class that I took at Barnsdall Park in Los Feliz. The same community art class, in fact, that was taught by awkwardpress.com legend Victoria Howard. See how the world works? Circles.

Joanna and I were the only people in the class younger than 87, so naturally we struck up a bond. Come to find out she’s a sketch comedy writer. “Well!” said I, “What do you know? I happen to own a publishing company, and we’re looking for short stories! Which are like sketches without all that acting nonsense! Also: I’m a notorious nepotiser!” A week later, she sent me a submission, which I promptly sent along to my partners. And they loved it! And wanted it in the book! And then I read it! And totally agreed! And I came back to art class and broke the news to Joanna and we screamed and jumped around the room in glee, smashing amateurish attempts at pottery to the ground in joyful abandon.

The point of the story: Joanna is the best. Her story is great, and I have no doubt that you will soon love her as much as I do. By the end of this profile, I predict!

1) Who are you and why are you here?
I’m still figuring out the who part a little but, I come in peace. Most of the time, anyway.

As for why I’m here, I used to believe my existence was the product of an attempt at marriage fixing until a new theory developed recently. An older and somewhat wis- well, we’ll just say more experienced friend of mine, was mentioning how during the times he was married (yes, multiple times) eventually any “lovin’” was done on holidays and/or birthdays. We were joking around and I was laughing at his expense until my dad’s birthday date suddenly popped into my head. My laughing slowed as I did a little mathematics on my fingers. We’ll just say crickets ensued from my end. My friend then ran off with the rights to the much envied prize of “the last laugh.”

This theory has yet to be confirmed with the authorities. It’s okay with me to leave it unanswered as it’s enough that my first name is because of the amazing talents of Kool and the Gang.*

*according to my sister.

2) Why do you write?
On the rare occasion I manage to do the work of filling blank pages, it’s because I’m a) interested by a picture/scene that has popped up in my head and b) am feeling like a rock star! Too frequently I’m missing the b) element and I procrastinate my way away from the page with more important things like worrying.

3) What’s the best thing you’ve ever written?
Hmm, maybe that one very strongly-worded letter to my dad way back when? My memory says it was a very clear and well-articulated document. Really I feel like any attempts at creative writing is just barely getting started…I’m not sure any particular voice or style has been uncovered yet so, I’ll get back to you! There is a story/sketch/monologue/something-else-or-the-other that is in the beginning stages of writing that I have a great title for: My Lover, the Baby-Boomer. This title makes me, and probably only me, laugh, laugh, laugh! It may be one of those things like a tattoo or piercing in a prominent, important area that you love for awhile until later are both made fun of for and left to wonder what on Earth you were thinking. So far though, this title amuses me with lots of quirky, fun options.

4) What do you do when you aren’t writing?
Lately, think about how I should be writing. Other than that I tend to follow my friends Curiosity and Spontaneous to try out things like ukulele classes, drawing, sewing, and other DIY activities.

5) Name two books that have blown your mind.
Yikes. I’m afraid this may definitely blow my cover as a novice writer already on the brink of failure. I often choose to ignore all the things that supposedly everyone reads and knows about in the literary world so that I can dive into things I just think are funny and/or informative. So, I read a lot of not-so-highly-esteemed writing. I won’t list all those items here. I’ll just say an author who I honestly do love, who doesn’t?, David Sedaris. He always makes me laugh.

6) What do you like to write about?
Quirks and the people who embody them. Also, embarrassing and/or ironic moments.

7) Complete this sentence: If the world could know one thing about me, it’s that I …
crossed the road to check out the drum circle.

8) Are we doomed?
Only those who are fair-skinned and polar bears, the poor things. *

*I am doomed.

9) Anything else?
Here I would like to mention that Jeffrey, while diverse and fabulous in his writing skills, is good at drawing! He hates charcoal. I loved it.