When I heard they were making a Battleship movie it did not seem as absurd to me as it seemed to everyone else. I assumed it would just be Top Gun with boats. Fine, make a movie out of anything. Make a Cap’n Crunch movie for all I care. I think Pirates of the Caribbean definitively proved that you can take any old name in the public consciousness and make a shitload of money off of it, so long as there are moving things and explosions.
But then I saw the trailer for Battleship.
Um … pardon? What is this? Tim Riggins? Sea Transformers? Booo. If this movie had a face, I would punch it.