Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.
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How to Clip Your Fingernails

August 22, 2012 By: Category: How-to

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Tools needed:
- fingernail clippers
- nail catching device (garbage can, ashtray, empty pudding cup)

Steps:
1) Get alive. Upon birth, most humans are automatically preconfigured with a hard, keratin-based protective shell that covers the ends of their 7-10 fingers (known as fingernails) and 8-19 toes (toenails). (Please note: this primer will not focus on the toenails, as our sponsor Dick Pasta found the subject of toenails icky and not in-keeping with the fun, party-friendly nature of their erotic line of pasta products.) (more…)