Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.

How to Clip Your Fingernails

August 22, 2012 By: Category: How-to

(Note: In the ongoing attempt to find ways of monetizing Awkward Press, we’ve decided to change business models from fiction publishing to content farming. From here on out, this site will focus on informative articles that will result in high rankings on search engines and lead to increased ad revenue.

Many thanks to our first sponsor, Dick Pasta. If you’re interested in advertising on, please contact us with your name, number, and a list of topics you would like us to write about in relation to your product. If you would like us to review your product, please include any “no-nos” and/or specific language you would like us to work into our unbiased analysis.

Tools needed:
- fingernail clippers
- nail catching device (garbage can, ashtray, empty pudding cup)

1) Get alive. Upon birth, most humans are automatically preconfigured with a hard, keratin-based protective shell that covers the ends of their 7-10 fingers (known as fingernails) and 8-19 toes (toenails). (Please note: this primer will not focus on the toenails, as our sponsor Dick Pasta found the subject of toenails icky and not in-keeping with the fun, party-friendly nature of their erotic line of pasta products.) (more…)

La Roux – I’m Not Your Toy

September 10, 2009 By: Category: Uncategorized

Kitty Purry, my absolute bestest Twitter friend ever, just sent me to this video. I do what Kitty tells me, so here we are.

I gotta say, I’m really digging the revival of 80s futuristic disco pop. Whether or not I’m going to run out and pick up La Roux’s album is debatable, but I see nothing wrong with shaking one’s tail feather every now and again to some lightweight pop. All hail the reemergence of the tongue-in-cheek disco diva!