Right, it was an ad. An ad masquerading as the front page of a newspaper. Which, okay, whatever, newspapers are broke. Fine, make every page an ad. I can't tell you the last time I read insightful reporting in the LA Times, anyway. I wish the ad in question didn't feature that awful picture of Johnny Depp, because there are few things more disturbing to me than his hair and makeup choices as the Mad Hatter. I don't like to look at it one bit, particularly when I'm drinking my morning coffee and on my way to Vegas to gamble and whore monger.

But that isn't what really bothered me about the whole affair. What really bothered me is this. Enhance.

What? Who's taking the reins on health care, now?

So that no one would confuse it with actual news, the editors of the LA Times removed every word that people might have accidentally confused with information. They couldn't even be bothered to replace the copy with something entertaining. They just took out the nouns and said, "to Hell with it." I'm fine with covering the front page of a newspaper with advertising. What I'm not fine with is doing so lazily. The ultimate irony is that no one blinked an eye about the fake articles being completely unreadable, because no one actually reads the newspaper. Front page fail.

Elsewhere in the front section, though, the editors managed to redeem themselves with one of the most awesome quotes I've ever read. Background: there's a new reality series on E! called "Pretty Wild" about a family of wannabe starlets living in Los Angeles. While they were shooting the series, one of the daughters, Alexis Neiers, became involved in a criminal trial. There's a group of bandits known as the "Bling Ring" that crashes celebrity house parties and steals things from them. Kind of like how in college I used to go to frat parties and steal all their toothbrushes so the guys would wake up in the morning with their nasty breath and be unable to do anything about it. Only not as mean, because on the morning after a house party, a toothbrush is way more valuable than a Marc Jacobs designer dog carrier or whatever the "Bling Ring" was stealing.

Okay, I realize this is already a totally weird story. But it gets weirder. Supposedly Neiers' became involved when she and her friends were caught on security video stealing some stuff from Orlando Bloom's house. Neiers defense:

Neiers was taken to a Hollywood police station for questioning. She told police she had no idea her friends and acquaintances were robbers and was so drunk and horrified when she realized they were ransacking Bloom's house that she vomited and urinated in his bushes.

Hahhahaha. She was so shocked that she had to vomit and pee in the bushes! That is one amazing excuse.