Awkward Press

Independent publishers of imaginative fiction and daily meditations on the ridiculousness of the universe.

Awkward Press is Now All Prince, All the Time

July 30, 2009 By: Category: Videos

McCarron has been trying to get me to watch these Kevin Smith videos where he talks about some encounter with Prince. I know you’re fascinated by my personal conversations, so here is how this conversation went:

From:Jeffrey Dinsmore Thu, Jul 30, 2009 at 7:54 AM To: Jon McCarron
Dammit, did you even read my screed the other day about the amount of shit I have to do in a day right now? In between the 20 pages of material I’m generating every day and running a business I’m supposed to have time to watch a 3 part series of Kevin Smith discussions?!? Gimme a few minutes to catch my breath, f’r chrissakes!

Prince will wait for me. He always does.

From: Jon McCarron Thu, Jul 30, 2009 at 7:57 AM To: Jeffrey Dinsmore
and some how you squeeze in masturbation on top of everything.

you are the wind beneath my wings.

From: Jeffrey Dinsmore Thu, Jul 30, 2009 at 8:05 AM To: Jon McCarron
On top of everything?!? That is everything! What the Hell do you think it means to “generate 20 pages of material” every day?

I’m talking reams … of cream!

Which, as McCarron noted in .jpg format, is coincidentally the name of Prince’s famous lost masterpiece.

Reams of Cream 4 U

Reams of Cream 4 U

Here, in case you are curious, are the Kevin Smith videos in question.

The Awkward Movie Challenge: Purple Rain

July 29, 2009 By: Category: Greatest Hits, Movie Reviews, Movies, Music, The Awkward Movie Challenge


According to Netflix, Mike and Jeffrey agree with each other on movies 84% of the time. In their weekly feature, The Awkward Movie Challenge, they search valiantly for that sweet 16% that results in big arguments and big laughs.



This past June 24th marked the twenty fifth anniversary of the greatest soundtrack ever recorded specifically for a movie. Man oh man, is Purple Rain ever an amazing soundtrack! “When Doves Cry”? That song is awesome. “Let’s Go Crazy”? Even awesomer, especially when Prince gets all Hendrixy at the end of the song. “Take Me With U”? Holy shit, that song is so awesome they don’t even have a word to describe it (you could probably describe it by calling it “Really, really, really awesome,” but that’s four words). “The Beautiful Ones”? “Baby, I’m a Star”? “I Would Die 4 U”? Awesome, awesome, awesome. Yes, there is no doubt about it; Purple Rain is one totally awesome record. Case closed.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the movie for which the Purple Rain soundtrack was recorded (did I mention how awesome that soundtrack is?), which celebrated its own twenty fifth anniversary this past Monday. Purple Rain: the Movie stars Prince as “The Kid”, a wunderkind musician who lives in his parents’ basement and creates music deemed too weird for First Avenue, the Minneapolis club where Morris Day and the Time draw huge crowds by playing music almost exactly like that of The Kid and his band, the Revolution. Except it’s not as good. The Kid meets aspiring singer Apollonia, falls in love with her, and lets her know this by tricking her into jumping naked into a lake. In Minneapolis. In the winter. Shooting her in the back would have been an equally romantic valentine, but then I guess we wouldn’t have gotten to see her boobs. Despite The Kid’s sadism, Apollonia is unable to resist the pubic hairs glued to his chest (or his purple pirate costume… or his Batgirl Cycle…), so she buys him a guitar. When Morris Day gets wind of the budding ingénue, he swoops in to turn her into his personal protégé. The Kid reacts to this news by punching Apollonia in the face.


Free Purple Rain Tribute Album!

July 19, 2009 By: Category: Music

Spin Magazine Awkward Press pays tribute to Prince!In case you were wondering about what is the best, the answer is: the Internet. The Internet is the best. Before the Internet, how would an independent publishing house like Awkward Press be able to offer all of our readers a free Purple Rain tribute album, featuring covers of every song on Purple Rain by such luminous rock artists as Of Montreal, Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings, and The Twilight Singers? The answer is: we would not have been able to do that before the Internet. Hooray, Internet!

The second answer is that we would not have been able to do that even with the Internet, because we are not really doing that. We are just linking to Spin Magazine, who is doing that. But still, aren’t we generous? Links aren’t free, you know! (Full disclosure: links are pretty much exactly free.)

So click on that link. Here it is again, in case you are one of those people who thinks that if you don’t click on a link the minute you see it then you’ve missed your window of opportunity. When you get to the page, you have to answer a question that takes about two seconds of Internet research to answer. Then you have to give them your email address and agree to receive emails from Spin. But, whatever, just add ‘em to your spam filter if you don’t want the emails. It’s a free country with a free Internet, only not really in both cases.