Awkward Press

When I heard they were making a Battleship movie it did not seem as absurd to me as it seemed to everyone else. I assumed it would just be Top Gun with boats. Fine, make a movie out of anything. Make a Cap’n Crunch movie for all I care. I think Pirates of the Caribbean definitively proved that you can take any old name in the public consciousness and make a shitload of money off of it, so long as there are moving things and explosions.

But then I saw the trailer for Battleship.

Um … pardon? What is this? Tim Riggins? Sea Transformers? Booo. If this movie had a face, I would punch it.

Man! Jason Segal, are you the luckiest man in America? Methinks! Not that you have no talent … you do! You wrote a frigging Muppet movie! But here is what you did to get that job: you talked a lot about how much you liked the Muppets, and how much you would like to write a movie for the Muppets. And then someone said, “that sounds like a good idea! Go do that.” And you did, and now it’s almost here, and it looks freaking awesome. Nicely played, Segal. If any studio executives are reading this post, please note that I really like Mummenschanz and would like to write a Mummenschanz musical. Just throwing it out there …

Clearly, Roald Dahl is the best. We can all agree on that. There would be no Awkward Press if it weren’t for Roald Dahl, because I would have never wanted to be a writer if I hadn’t read his books. For that matter, if it weren’t for Roald Dahl, there would be no me or you, because the world we live in did not exist before Roald Dahl. It is his matrix. We just live in it.

When I heard that Wes Anderson was making an animated version of Mr. Dahl’s Fantastic Mr. Fox, my first thought was, “that is certainly a lesser choice from the Dahl canon.” Full disclosure: Roald Dahl has been my favorite writer since I was old enough to read, but I have not read Fantastic Mr. Fox. Is that okay? I just haven’t. Maybe it’s great. It’s probably great. I should read it. Don’t judge me!

Unlike you, I have not given up hope in Wes Anderson. I have given him a long leash based on my love for Rushmore and Bottle Rocket. I hated The Privileged Brothers Go to India, but I like his shtick, for the most part. It’s whimsical! Get used to it! There is room for whimsy in life. Enjoy the whimsy. Stop being so New York all the time.

Anyway, so Anderson made an animated version of Fantastic Mr. Fox, and here is the trailer:

If you ask me, they should change the name of this movie to Fantastic Mr. Fantastic. Because it looks pretty fantastic, is why I recommend that change. I am starting a movie studio next!

(Via Videogum.)