Awkward Press

My ongoing application process for the U.S. Special Teams prevents me from explaining the Lost finale in explicit detail, but since you’re all hungering to know what Awkward Press thinks about the “Show that Has America Clucking,” I shall refer you to this. This is what I think about the Lost finale. How convenient that Gabe from Videogum was kind enough to break into my mind and write it all up for me! Thanks, brootha!

Dear God:

Thank you for making people. Because without people, we would not have the Internet. And without the Internet, we would not have Videogum. And without Videogum, I would not know about this, the most amazing thing that has ever been produced by the people you created.

How do I know miracles exist? Because Insane Clown Posse, that’s how!

This paragraph from Videogum is so spot on, I had to post it in its entirety. Which, I know, that’s the kind of behavior that’s making newspapers go out of business. But web-on-web reposts? Is that fair game, assuming I give a link? Someone please address my concerns with a “Complete Idiots” guide.

In a post entitled “These Monkeys Having a Pool Party Are Making Us Look the Fool,” Gabe wrote:

Here it is, early August, and I’m sitting in my office staring at a computer screen like an absolute IDIOT, while these monkeys (literally, they are monkeys) are having a fucking pool party? Ooh la la, look at me with my evolutionary advantages and my rational thought and my lack of a prehensile tail. Aren’t I so great. CLEARLY I AM NOT. The summer is running through my fingers like the sands of a beach I still haven’t been to this season, and meanwhile, these wonderful little guys are living life the way it was meant to be lived. Who is the savage beast now? We share 99 percent of our DNA with these guys, but apparently they have a bonus one percent FUN GENE. Unbelievable.

Fucking A. This is what we get from our insistence on being civilized? A life of not being in pools, while monkeys get to be in pools? A monkey’s life for me, then!

(If you want to see the video, you’re just going to have to click over to Videogum. The depths of my thievery only go so far.)

I make no secret of my love for Gabe Delahaye at Videogum. I have never met the man, nor do I know anyone who knows anyone who knows the man. I am simply an admirer of his unfailingly hilarious and creative writing style. It’s all about respect where respect is due, and this gentleman deserves much respect. Some might say he is the cog at the center of the Internet universe, although others might call that hyperbole.

Anyway, Videogum just got name-dropped by Howard Dean in a Colbert Report segment that would’ve been way funnier if he’d screamed. (Although let me make it clear that I do not hold Videogum responsible for Howard Dean’s acting choices). So, propers, Videogum. Good work. (I mean, technically, not really work, but whatever.) And for anyone who is not already reading Videogum religiously, please bookmark them immediately.

That is all.

Also, I do not know how to center this video.