Look, I know you’re excited about our increased traffic at awkwardpress.com. That goes without saying. Every day, when you wake up, your first thought is … “how’s the traffic on Awkward Press today?” And then you check the site and I don’t mention it and you leave discouraged and buy a gun and pledge to have your revenge. This literally happens to you EVERY DAY. You have stockpiled a lot of guns.
Well, good news! You don’t have to buy a gun today, because here’s the traffic report: traffic is awesome! We hit 2,950 visitors during the last month! 200 in the past day alone! If each one of those people bought a copy of Awkward Two — an unbelievable steal for $10 plus $2 shipping and handling — we might able to finally pay back the giant pile of debts we’ve accrued in starting this idiotic venture. Okay, so most of those people are clearly just stopping by to figure out the link between Adidas and soccer balls. But those people read too, right? Maybe the theme of the next issue should be “soccer balls.”