Hey baby. Yeah, I’m talking to you, sex lips. I see you checking out my blog, late at night, in your bedroom, by yourself, Jodeci on the cassette deck, shoes off, pillows fluffed, exotic fruits on the bedside table. I know what you’re doing, baby. You’re giving me the late night creep, ain’t you? Shoot, girl, I know what you want, don’t be shy. You want that kind of blog stuff that only Jeffrey from Awkward Press can give you. Well, I want to give you what you want, baby. I’m the only blogger that’s got what you need, yeah. You want to see a video of a dog acting like a little bitch, don’t you?

Mmmmmm-hmmmmm, I thought you’d like that! It’s 11:30, girl, I don’t mess around! I give you what you need. How ’bout some of this, baby?

Is that what you want, baby? You know what that is? That’s a plant that eats rats. Naw, baby, I’ll protect you. No need to squeal, girl. That big ol’ plant ain’t gonna hurt you when I’m around. Not when we on a late night creep together, hell no.

I know you’re getting sleepy, baby, but I think you need one more thing before you go to bed.

Sweet dreams, sex lips.