Sad old man confession: from the early days of Twitter, I have been trying in vain to figure out how to use it properly. Like, are you supposed to just follow random people? How do you know what’s worth reading? Okay, I understand if you type in #Iran you’ll probably come across a few worthwhile things to read … but how do you filter all the garbage? And sure, if you’re in New York and you’re at a bar and you post “I’m at the bar,” maybe some of your friends will show up. But I am not in New York and my friends don’t even show up at the bar when I invite them weeks ahead of time, so why would anyone ever use it?

Yesterday I finally learned the point of it all, and that is this: Twitter games. (Please bear with me for a moment, all my technologically savvy users.) When writing a Twert (that’s what the kids all them), if you insert the # symbol before a phrase, you turn that phrase into a searchable category. If you have a Twitter account, go to your search box right now and type in #1stdraftmovielines or #nicefilmtitles. See what pops up. Or just look at that little Twitter box in my right hand column. Point is: hilarity!

So I decided to try to create my own Twitter party game. Which, is that like the modern version of deciding that you’re going to start calling cool things “scoop” and then you’re talking to your friend and you’re like, “Oh man, your new BKs are crazy scoop,” and he’s like, “fuck off, that’s not a word”? Answer: yes, it is. Whatever, own it. So my Twitter meme game is #sadpartyideas. Like so:

awkwardpress Bobbing for water. #sadpartyideas
about 16 hours ago from digsby

sfjray Hide and go. #sadpartyideas @awkwardpress
about 11 hours ago from TwitterFox

sfjray 7 minutes in heaven with grandma. #sadpartyideas @awkwardpress
about 11 hours ago from TwitterFox

So far, I only have one co-conspirator: the brilliant and charming sfjray. Come help us out! Now is your chance to finally make use of that Twitter account that you signed up for on a whim two months ago and which is currently just sitting there collecting dust. Come on ya’ll, it’ll be totally scoop!

And if, after reading this whole post, you’re like, “what in the Hell are you talking about?” Then I say, “Why don’t you take your GM motorcar over to the Circuit City and have them set you up with some of this future, GRAMPO!”